I DO!

0 Days left

Here we are. I've just woken up and after some stresses yesterday, I feel great! Breakfast first then time to get ready.

Running on very little sleep but it's gonna be a fabulous day!

Let them Eat Cake!!

1 day to go.

Still calm and cool. Things have come up that rater erk me but really, nothing I can do about it. I did however finish my wedding cupcakes.

Next, pick up the dress and "rehearsal" family dinner.

A Case of the Whatev's

2 days to go…

Well, it’s here and I feel great. No, I didn't get a massage (well, I did but that was last week), I didn't get a wedding planner; it's just here. Aside from cleaning up around the house there really isn’t much else to do but drop off the stuff to the venue and show up. Sure there are a few loose ends that have yet to be resolved but at this point I’m cool. Besides, there really isn’t any more I can do.

What loose ends am I talking about? (just to name a few)

1. My Maid of Honor’s dress; I have yet to see it. I’m sure it’s fine and even if it’s not. Well what can I do? If I really hate it will a trip to the mall will be in order. But I don’t have any other Brides maids so it’s not like she has to match anyone.

2. Linins; the ones I have now don’t touch the ground. Silly I know but I do think it looks better if it does. If my caterer can get them then fine if not, oh well.

3. Who’s driving who when it comes to family. I’m tired. I don’t want to dictate this. Everyone is an adult and they will all get there eventually. They know the time and I hope it means enough for my parents that they will try to be there a bit earlier; but nothing is ever for sure.

4. Prince Charming’s speech. He’ll speak it will be great, whatev’s

5. Emcee did go get his suit till today, many of the guests are driving in the morning of from Toronto (5 hours away). Anyone ever hear of traffic? All I have to say is that they better be leaving early.

Funny thing is that now I feel this sense of Calm. I’m not stressed, I’m not in a panic, not totally relaxed….just calm.…we’ll see in the morning, that’s when I start to make my cupcakes.

ugh!

5 days to go...

…and I’m sick! Can you believe it!? Luckly, I’ve been to the MD and I should be fine before the big day. All I can say is that goodness for antibiotics!

That is all.

Doing it all...

14 days to go.

Who ever thought that with 2 weeks to go there would be so much stuff to do? Granted, having my initial venue catch fire 4 weeks before the wedding was no help, but I’ve been going a mile a minute these past few weeks and finally I have a moment to stop and take a breather (I’m waiting for Prince Charming to come home with supplies so I can finish my aisle runner) Just another thing to do on my list of last minute to-do’s. It’s amazing; I thought I was so ahead of the game but I guess not. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the week for me to finish everything. I’ve been eating crap and my skin is breaking out! WTF! Don’t get me wrong, I love my new venue; despite it all I truly believe that this is the wedding we were meant to have, but it sure came with an added to-do list. Prince Charming says I have to learn to delegate because taking everything on myself has begun to run me ragged and nobody wants to be a ragged looking Bride on their wedding day.

So that’s what I’ve done. We’ve made a list and are splitting up the to-do’s. It’s hard for a control freak like myself to let go and let someone else take care of it. My rational is that nobody else knows how I want it and picture it in my head….am I right? But then Prince Charming said something that really made me think.

Last night as we were out for dinner he said that if I don’t slow down, I wont enjoy the wedding and all this would be a waste. I told him I want to make sure that it’s the best wedding we could have and that I want to give us everything we want out of our wedding day. To which he replied; I just want people to have fun, celebrate and for everyone to enjoy themselves. Something so simple, we sometimes lose sight of it when we are (ok, maybe it’s just me) so consumed with planning the best event we can. I promised him that as of the day before, once everything is dropped off I will relinquish control; I mean at that point there really isn’t much more I can do right? Honestly, when this list is done and finished I am going to be so happy. I can’t wait to take the few days after the wedding to just enjoy not having to plan anything.

Till then, I will delegate, try to lighten up and hopefully eat better and with a little luck (and a facial) this breakout will pass and my skin will be back to normal.

Lemonade Made...and It's Goooooood

29 days to go

So today we officially have lemonade, good lemonade. We signed our new venue, and it's gonna be great! I will be honest, as you have read I have been up and down and this week; the whole situation if fact has really left me mentally drained. I know some people may not see the big deal of relocating your wedding venue, but when you have spent over 11 months planning something and you suddenly have to make drastic changes...let me tell ya, it messes you up. We knew we had to move fast so when Prince Charming and I looked at venues yesterday we knew we had to decide before we went to bed; and decide we did.

We opted to be married in a the Ottawa landmark known as the Canadian Museum of Nature.

L said to me last night..."Maybe things happen for a reason, maybe this is the wedding you were really meant to have"... with that I felt like myself again, ready to sign on the dotted line.

Now, hyper wedding planning begins...I'm in overdrive people!

Making Lemonade with Rotten Lemons

30 days to go

I'm not looking for a pity post here but really, this sucks!

They say when life hands you lemons you make lemonade, but what happens when those lemons are rotten?

Welcome to a snap shot of my day.

Call #1...*ring ring* "Hi there, I was supposed to have my wedding on the 28th of August but my venue is now closed due to fire....can you accommodate ?" "Oh, I heard about that.. yes we can but we require a $16,000 minimum spending"

Call #2...*ring ring* "Hi there, I was supposed to have my wedding on the 28th of August but my venue is now closed due to fire....can you accommodate ?" "Oh, we heard about that...we would have to scatter your party around, some on at the tables, some at the bar..."

Call#3...*ring ring*"Hi there, I was supposed to have my wedding on the 28th of August but my venue is now closed due to fire...I really hope you can help" "Oh, we have a booking that night, but we can do it if you change your date to the next day...." *insert Bantering Bride Scowl here*

Call#9...Voice mail- "Hi my name is BB and I was hoping you may have a room available for the 28th of August,you see my venue is closed due to fire and..." *ring ring* Hello Bantering Bride?Yes, we have a room that can accommodate you. Would you like to come and see it? Is your fiancée Prince Charming? I just got off the phone with him."

The wedding gods are smiling again...lemonade anyone?

Breathe

30 days to go,

OK, here it is. I have to relocate my wedding (insert look of shock here) I got the call last night from my venue. They provided me an alternative location which Prince Charming and I have gone to look at. It's our back up. Right now we will talk about our options and look around to see if there is anything else out there that is better suited for us.

Does this suck? yes. Am I upset? yes. But what can I do. Now that I know what I am dealing with I have to get my butt in great to re-plan my wedding around a totally different venue in less the 4 weeks. If I pull this off people, I will call my self a kick ass wedding planner of the year. Wish me luck !

I know that my wedding will not be my dream wedding. That wedding went up in smoke with my venue. But it will still be my wedding. I will still be there marrying the man I love; despite the fact that I've been nothing but a pain in the ass these past few days. Now I have to plan the best wedding I can with what I have, I only plan to do this once so I have to work double time. Once I finalize a venue I will be OK, I know it. Fingers crossed.

My Maid of Honor will NOT be naked!

31 Days to go

Still no update from my venue. Now I know that they have other (more anxious and stressed out) brides to deal with then me and I’m sure their job has not been easy these past few days. But we are all selfish creatures and we all want to be top priority (weather if it’s realistic or not) especially a Bride to be. Now I know this isn’t going to happen so I just need to sit and wait. I’m trying to not be negative about this with the hopes that my good vibes and karma will be rewarded later on closer to my wedding.; ie, everything will work out the way it was supposed to *wink, wink, nudge, nudge to the wedding gods**

I did however get a piece of good news last night though. My Maid of Honor, who lives in Hong Kong finally, is getting her dress made. I’m sure many of you are in shock that she would have waited so long and so close to the actual wedding, or why I would have allowed it to be put off for so long. Well in Asia, a custom dress can be made in a matter of a week and I gave her the choice of choosing her own style as long as it matched my color scheme. I figured that there was no use in me dictating what she should wear mainly because she was half a world away and the only one in my side of the bridal party (aside from my Usher/MC who is wearing whatever suit he wants to as well) with all this stress from the venue fire and the wedding being a few weeks away, I was really starting to worry that she hadn’t gotten it ordered yet, especially since she lands in Canada August 18^th. Believe me, it wasn’t fro the lack of trying to ride her ass to get this darn dress made, it’s just so hard to get a hold of her due to the time difference and all. Plus, I know she was avoiding me because she hadn’t placed the order the last time I emailed her. Anyways, the dress will be done in a few days and she will send me a picture of it before she leaves for Canada…I hope it’s not ugly.

No title ... Less shock...Wish for more information

32 days to go

So these past few days have been a real emotional roller coaster. Have you ever felt so many things that you just didn't know what to do with yourself? welcome to my past weekend, and I'm sure my next few days.

When I got news that there was a fire at my wedding venue my heart dropped. I swear if felt like someone just killed my cat or something, I was honestly numb. So numb that I tried to call my venue. What was I thinking? there was a fire there; but I guess I really didn't know how serious it was. Calling didn't work so I emailed them. I was so numb I couldn't even type the little letters on Bedazzle (my Blackberry). Once I finally managed to compose a e-mail I texted Price Charming, I was close to tears, but none came. All the while I had to clean myself up and look happy and stunning since I was late for my dear friends book launch. I told myself I would let this disturb her night to shine so I kept it to myself...OK, I told my BFF who was waiting for me at the party. In true male form he had no words to comfort me.

My only comfort came in the form of comments posted on this blog. Comments that told me things would be ok and others who let me know I was not alone ( Sofia if you are reading this I would appreciate and update on your wedding, I hope is was beautiful). Today at work all I could think about was any sort of back up plan I could think of. I've called around a few places but they are either booked or are way too expensive. I have heard that they are trying to relocate weddings to neighboring restaurants that have the same owner but really, you know it's not the same no matter how much you try; but this has not yet been offered to me. I have only received one email from my venue which is this:

Thank you for your patience, I understand how frustrated and worried you must be. I am sure that you have heard by now that there was a small fire at the Courtyard Restaurant on Thursday July 22, 2010. The fire started in the kitchen and was quickly contained, however the kitchen has sustained damage that will require repair.(blah, blah, blah)... We have back-up plans in place should we need them and will continue to work with you during your wedding planning process. Until the power and phone lines are reinstated at the Courtyard Restaurant the best way to contact me is via email; I will do my best to respond in a timely fashion. Although I do not have too much of an update, I can let you know that the owner and Management Team will be meeting with our contractor and NCC Property Director Monday and Tuesday of next week. We hope by that time we will be provided with a better understanding of what is going to be taking place and what type of time line we are look at for the future. I hope to have a more concrete update for you early next week and will be in contact with you again once I know more. I sincerely apologize for any distress and inconvenience this may cause you. Thank you very much for your patience and understanding, I will be in touch very soon.

As you can see it's pretty general and vague. I've been trying to do my own investigating and have found out there is a hole in the floor of the second floor . This is where my ceremony and reception was to be held. I don't know what is next. All I know is I have no control over anything right now and it drives me crazy. I feel sad, angry, fustrated and anxious. I'm super stressed out that my fingers are tingling and so deleted that the wedding planning that once brought me joy now makes me want to to scream. I know I can't stop planning since the wedding will happen no matter what, but this whole thing has really just kicked my ass and taken everything out of me.

Stay tuned for updates.

Still no title...still in shock

36 days to go ?

So I’ve had about 10 hours to try and digest this shit. Yes, I’m cursing because I’m still in shock. The thing is, I can’t control this and that in itself is driving me bonkers. I have e-mailed the venue and tried to call. Obviously unanswered since they are surly tending to others who have their weddings in the next few days.

On the venue website it says this:

Minor Kitchen Fire Update:

Our upcoming wedding clients will contacted within the next 48 hours by a member of our Events Staff. We will continue to aid you through your wedding planning process. Please send all inquiries tomiranda@courtyardrestaurant.com.

All upcoming personal and corporate reservations will be contacted within the next 72 hours by our Events Staff with a reservation update.

Thank you for your understanding and patience.

But it still doesn’t change the fact that inside I AM freaking out. On the outside I am calm. Maybe because I’m in shock or maybe because a part of me is holding on to hope that it really was a minor fire that only caused smoke damage and can be cleaned up in a few days. But really, if it is a major thing would they really post it for the fear of 100 crazy brides stalking them to try and get answers?

I know it’s wasted energy to obsess over this, but anyone how has ever planned their wedding will tell you, this is a frigg’n big deal.

I know I’m driving myself crazy but I can’t help it. I know there is absolutely nothing that can be done on my end all I can do is pray that it all works out. At this point if it doesn’t I have no idea what to do.

No title ...just shock.

36 days to go

I want to cry. I just saw on the news that my wedding venue had a fire this afternoon.

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/news/Update...9602/story.html

I’m out of town right now and obviously I can’t get in contact with anyone at the restaurant.I

am praying to the wedding gods that it will be all right.

Come dance with me?

40 days to go

Just a little over one month to go before the wedding and we are now sending invitations out to our friends to come join us after the ceremony and the family dinner, these are not close friends but co workers and teammates from sports teams. We are not super close but hang out often. We are calling them our “drinks invites” because they are invited to come for drinks, some food and lots of dancing after all the formal stuff ends. Now I know some of you are a bit shocked that Prince Charming and I would do this, but we never saw anything wrong with it, we thought it was a great idea. Since deciding this I have heard some peoples input (none who are guests) say why would you do that? Don’t you think that’s rude? My reply, why wouldn’t I and no I don’t think it’s rude.

Some arguments I’ve heard against this are as follows; It makes people feel like they were not important enough to be invited to your whole wedding, or it seems more like a gift grab. I was surprised that people would feel this way….all I can say is, man, people are way too sensitive about silly things.

This is my response to those who are silently judging me and disapprove of this. Our venue only holds 75 people seated. I’m sorry I loved my venue and it suited us perfectly so I wasn’t gonna pass it up. But after all the older people are gone (older Asians tend to leave after dinner) we invited some friends, none of which are from out of town, to come join us for drinks and dancing and really celebrate with us. We have specified no gifts and they didn’t even have to dress up. Just want them there to have fun. Really what is wrong with that? We wouldn’t have too much fun if we just had family there for dinner and dancing. First of all, Asians don’t dance a heck of a lot, and second, I’m not close with my family. This is all more formality then anything. I have never felt comfortable to let loose inform of my family, let alone Prince Charming’s. So to have our friends come in after and really celebrate with us…why not? If we didn’t do this we would have probably hosted a party after for these friends ( I repeat none close, all from work and from teams we play sports in) so why not tack it on to the night where we are already paying for a venue and a bar and I can have good food provided with a DJ?

As for the argument of people feeling like they were not important enough…well, really if I’m not too close to you why would you want to sit there and listen to my aunt or uncle talk about my childhood and how happy they are…blah blah blah? I’ve been to so many weddings where I’ve endured speech after speech about the bride and groom who I had only known for a little while. In that case to be honest I felt like it was a gift grab since I was not close to either the bride or groom.

Prince charming and I just wanted to throw a big party fro our friends, and this was our way to do it.

Despite some peoples opinions about how we are organizing our wedding and who we are inviting to what part, I’m sure the friends who do attend will see what we want to do and understand this is really more our style. We are very social people but at the same time very private. For those who get offended and don’t come…more drinks for others, they will miss a great party, because obviously, they don’t really know us at all…and who wants that at your wedding?

Invitation by obligation

42 days to go

Ok, I know this post may offend some but let me just start off by saying it is no way geared towards anyone who would read this blog. Now that all my invites have gone out and most of our RSVPs have come back with an answer I can get to plan my seating plan. However, there are still some outstanding RSVPs out there who let me be honest with you, I could care less if they come, actually, and I’m hoping they don’t. This brings me to my topic. Why do we invite people out of obligation? Now I understand when you are obligated to invite family. Like your aunt from overseas who your parents made you invite or your second cousin whom you have not seen since you played together when you were 4 years old. Family I understand you can’t fight blood, but friends (or not so good friends) I don’t see the point.

Maybe I’m cold, heartless, selfish, whatever. I just don’t see why you would invite people you were once close to out of obligation. I mean if they really wanted to be part of your life and you them, you would have made the effort to stay close. And well if there was a falling out then call it what it is and move on. I mean I have a handful of great friends, if they couldn’t make it to the wedding I’d understand; I did not invite them out of obligation. However, there are some (who have yet to RSVP) that I secretly wish don’t come; heck I didn’t even want to waste an invitation. But Prince Charming (who is also my voice of reason, and apparently a much nicer person then I) said we had to. It was the right thing to do.

The more I think about this situation, the more I don’t want them at my wedding. Really if they did attend it wouldn’t ruin our day or anything. However, I know that they wouldn’t really want to be there either. It’s one of those tip toe around the big pink elephant in the room what nobody wants to be the first one to talk about. I say end it. Don’t dance around the situation just end it. But I guess we live in a society where we have to try and be as socially correct as possible. Aside from that it’s goon manners. But really we all think it. Why can’t we just stop doing things we are obligated to do, especially when it doesn’t benefit anyone in the end. If they do come they wouldn’t want to really be there and we really wouldn’t want them to come. Look every one Big Pink Elephant in the room! But I guess that’s why I have prince Charming, he keeps the peace…if I were left to my own devices there would be chaos.

Yay! Cake Toppers

55 Days to go.

Ok so it's 2:55 am and I just finished our cake toppers. We were gonna get bobble heads made but decided at the last minute to save the $200.00 and use it for something else. Well, while walking around down town yesterday for Canada day we found these things called Munny. I had seen them before but never knew what they were. Pretty much a blank canvas in the shape of child. Figured I'd try my hand at it and see what I could do with it. After all, we still didn't have a cake topper. Anyways to make a long story short...with a little bit of planning and some paint Vola!

just had to share.

To Tea or not to Tea...

79 days to go.

As a CBC (Canadian Born Chinese) I have always tried to find balance between my Western upbringing and my Chinese background. Now that I’m in the thick of wedding planning I started to think if I should be doing a traditional tea ceremony. For those of you who don’t know, in Chinese culture, it is tradition to have the bride and groom serve tea to elders so they can offer the happy couple their blessings (often in the form of a lucky red envelope full of money). I couldn’t help but wonder, was I jipping myself by not having one? I know, a wedding is not a cash grab and it’s about celebrating your love. But lets be honest, we all would love to celebrate with a little extra padding in the bank account right?

This led me to think about all the other non-Asian things we were doing for the wedding. For the most part our wedding is western 100%, no 10 course Chinese dinner with shark fin soup and crab claws; instead it’s a 5 course meal with soup, salad, duck, steak or fish. There will be no red “kay-po” (the red Chinese dress you see hostesses wear at Chinese banquet halls); instead I will change into a modern party dress. And finally, no double happiness symbol hanging in the back….My friends and I call it the Chinese Gong Show. We find that those of us getting married in our generation usually opt for the western wedding; the traditional Asian wedding is more to cater the family, not in all cases, but most. Strange thing is I used to want all of that, especially the food. But when planning the big event I found that it wasn’t right for me. First of all I don’t have a Chinese restaurant in Ottawa that I like enough to trust my wedding to and the cost is pretty much the same as a western wedding if not more. I always thought it would be cheaper. So to satisfy the older Asians in the family we will have a dinner for immediate family the night before at a Chinese restaurant.

The more I think about it the more I realized we made the right decision for us. I mean Prince Charming is Vietnamese, not Chinese, and not all traditions are the same, though they do take part in Tea Ceremonies. To have a western wedding would just be less stressful for the both of us, rather then trying to incorporate 2 cultures and then you have family trying to chime in. If we did decide to have an Asian wedding we probably would have opted to have the wedding in my hometown of Toronto. That would have been logistically more difficult. But to make it easier on ourselves, and since we are both pretty “Canadianized” we are not bowing to any Asian traditions. So X-nay on the tea ceremony idea….I think it may just be me creating a make work project for myself since the wedding is fast approaching and new ideas pop into my head all the time. I guess at the end of the day it really is more important to have our day, our way rather then putting in a ceremony simply for a potential cash grab and to make the parents happy… If they want tea, it will be served with dessert, or they can opt for coffee :)

Bridesmaid...zilla?

82 days to go

I know I’ve been MIA recently, Prince Charming and I have been working overtime to make sure that Bedazzle’s list gets smaller and smaller. I am happy to say that my list has been cut down to more then half. With less then 90 days to go I’m really starting to get my butt into gear. What annoys me it the stuff I can’t get done yet, like my seating chart and place cards since all RSVPs have yet to be received (they have till July 10^th, 2010) but aside from that everything seems to be on track.

Flipping through an online wedding forum I came across a post about bridesmaids which was accompanied my this article

http://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity-lifestyle/articles/living/bad-bridesmaids

This got me thinking … have Bridezilla’s given birth to these Bridesmaidzilla’s or is this a new creature like the article says born from years of frienamy resentment, jealously, cattiness and self centeredness.

I have been in both situations; I was a maid of honor for my sister (though I was much younger and immature at the time) and I am now a bride. Looking back in my Maid of Honor experience I just didn’t really care to be honest. I was in my early 20’s and more into what I was doing in my own life then my sisters wedding. I didn’t complain or cause a scene, like the women in the article, I was just there. I didn’t help with much I did what I had to do and that was that. To me what I was doing on Saturday night was more important; chalk it up to immature self-centeredness I guess. Now that I’m a Bride I feel bad for not helping my sister more, if I was the person I am now I would be on top of everything with no complaints, guaranteed. In fact I enjoy the planning of showers and things like that.

Currently, in my case I only have one maid of honor, my best friend since high school. I would consider myself to be a really easygoing bride in this regard. She is picking her own dress as long as the colour is appropriate, aside from that….I don’t even know what the dress looks like. Kind of scary when I think about it, but I trust her. She is making the trip back from Asia to be here for me, to have here in a dress she likes, which sits just fine by me.

But I do know that my situation is an exception. I have been in Bridal salons where bridesmaids have been in tears over the dress their Bride wants them to wear. I’ve also seen some bridesmaid’s gang up on the bride and tell her what they will and will not wear. Given, every situation is different and not all bridesmaids are hell bent on causing tension for a Brides, and not all Brides are vengeful enough to make their girls look silly in sea foam taffeta just to up their own attractiveness, but it is out there, no matter how much we may roll our eyes and shack our heads in disbelief women are catty and I stand 110% behind this statement. Intentions may be good but all you need is a small feeling of competition or envy and it can all go down hill. Be it competition or envy over the size of the ring, the wedding, the honeymoon, the shoes...whatever, all you need is a small bit of negative fuel to ignite an insecurity and BOOM it can explode into something you never thought possible. I believe it’s often due to low self-esteem and confidence on either end. What else but our own insecurities could cause us to turn on our nearest and dearest friends? If I am confidant in who I am I wouldn’t need to put down others around me to make myself feel better. I wouldn’t have to bully my Bride or dress my Bridesmaids in ugly dresses. If I was confident with who I am would consider my bridesmaids feeling and as a bridesmaid I would smile for the pictures and make sure my dear friend the Bride was taken care of...sea foam and all.

I don’t think you can ever predict that someone you thought was your good friend (good enough to be a party of your wedding party or good enough for you to be their bridesmaid) could turn into a red eyed monster taffeta but I think it does help if you forget about all the silly details and just remember what is important; true friends are there for each other, they don’t want to compete, they don’t wish to make you less attractive to make themselves look better and they don’t want to pull you down….if they do, well, maybe you have the wrong friends.

Hello, My Name Is...

121 days to go

When I was in high school my high school sweetheart’s last name was Rafiq and I remember I used to imagine how my name would sound if we ever got married. Would I keep my name or would I take his? Would I be happy with being called Mrs. Rafiq? I would write it out to see how it looked and weather I liked the sound of it…come on, we’ve all done it. I think deciding to keep or take your husbands name is one of the most important decisions facing today’s modern bride, just one of many important decisions I know. But this is your name! It’s what people will call you, and recognize you as….this is who you are.

Hmm… Did Juliet have the right idea when she said "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" I mean granted she was talking about the feud between their families, not debating weather she would prefer to be called a Capulet or a Montague if she were to marry her Romeo, but none the less it makes me think; what’s in a name?

For me my last name is my identity, it’s who I am and it shows where I come from. To change that would mean I would be changing who I am with the chance of loosing who I have been for the past 30 odd years. But at the same time, marrying Prince Charming is also something that will define who I am and to take his name would reflect that change; so what’s a Bantering Bride to do?

There are so many other factors that come into play on why I want to keep my name.

For one culture, as a Chinese Canadian I don’t what to have a last name that takes away from my cultural identity. If I were to take Prince Charming’s name I would be taking on a very Vietnamese name. I know many of you may not know the difference but Asians know, and make the distinction.

Pronunciation is also a factor. Especially for the modern woman professionally.

From time to time, my last name is mispronounced, usually people are just surprised of how short it is but if I were to take on Prince Charming’s name…well... I would be constantly correcting people.

And last but not least, the silliest reason of all. I just like the way my name sounds compared to if I took on a new one. Silly but true…and important. (don’t judge)

Then I flip back and think why I should change my name. I mean it used to be to “honor” your husband, but now days, I’ll honor him in my own way. We are way past the days of male dominated whatevers. But what about my children, do I want all of us to have the same name as a family?

I mean married women have their own reasons to take or not take the name of their husbands. Though I’m sure Price Charming would like me to take on his name, it’s not a deal breaker. To be honest, it’s not really me to do something like that. I guess that’s why they created the option of hyphenating….for brides like me who refuse to pick either way.

Sleepless Nights

129 days to go

11:30pm and this Bantering Bride was Facebook chatting a friend. “How are the wedding plans going? I can’t believe you only have 4 months to go!” I saw these words pop up on my screen and a wave of panic washed over me. Somehow, having someone else tell me this made it all the more real. It’s not like I didn’t know I only had a few months to go, but when your guest start asking about hotel information…well that’s when it really hits home.

Lying in bed I couldn’t stop thinking about all the stuff that had to be done, things I’d been laxing on. Decorations, tasting, alterations, the dress! How could everything possibly be done within 3 ½ months? That’s only 11 weeks! Then it hit me. Marriage license and ceremony. We need a license to wed and I haven’t even had any contact with my officiant. Luckily, we booked him months ago so we had someone ready to legally marry us, but there was so much to do before we could meet with him. How much time did HE need to prepare? What did we have to do? So many questions, this Bantering Bride was starting to panic. So I got out of bed at 12:30am, knowing I would pay for it the next morning at work and I turned on the computer. I couldn’t sleep until I felt like I had made some progress; this is the control freak side of me coming out.

I e-mailed my officiant, reorganized my invitations and updated my Wedding map and website. In the morning I woke up exhausted, that’s what sleeping at 2am on a Tuesday night will do to you. On the bright side I got an e-mail reply from my officiant; I like the fact that he is efficientJ, answering my questions and advising me on what my next steps should be. It was a good thing I have this freakish behavior because he told me he would be out of the country for the month of July. He does charity work in developing countries and he was going to be in the Dominican Republic so I wouldn’t have access to him for a month. Good to know! So I will have to meet with him earlier then anticipated.

My advice to all brides out there, go with your gut. If you feel like you have to do something, do it. It may actually pay off in the long run. Who cares if people call us obsessive, controlling or Bridezilla. As I’ve said before, we should embrace out inner control freak and just go with it. If I hadn’t gone with my gut and contacted my officiant sooner then later (ok, I could have waited for morning to e-mail) I may have had a lot more stress on my plate come July and August. These days I’m full on stress I don’t need anymore thank you.

YAY! for freakish, controlling, Obsessive behavior!

Waiting For The Inevitable.

131 days to go.

Bridezilla! A term now associated with picky, out spoken, controlling brides everywhere. Some brides know very early on that they are destined to turn into a Bridezilla, some fight it with everything they’ve got but end up morphing into this creature at some point and others, well, they are just so organized, easy going and relaxed that they are immune to the change. There is something about planning a wedding that makes a woman crazy. It’s the most amazing thing; this one event has the power to bring out the best and the worst in people and puts so much pressure on the happy couples, let’s be honest mainly the bride, that after a few months of planning, well, things are not so happy anymore.

I’m lucky enough to be one of those women who knew early on of what I would become, so none of my behavior came as a surprise. Most importantly, Prince Charming knew, and he had taken a step back and allowed me to single handedly plan almost everything myself (I have a problem with wanting to do everything myself), obviously with his input on the important things of course. But since our day is fast approaching, I had to wonder when my real Bridezilla behavior would begin. So far it’s been mild, there has been lots of stress but meltdowns have only revolved around customer service, parents and time…LOL… only :P

Why is there so much pressure? Is it the parents? Why do we want to make everyone happy, instead of just ourselves? And most important why do we let it get to us? So many questions, I wish I had the answers, but I think it’s due to 3 simple reasons.

1. Parents and family. They hijack our wedding plans, or try to with the hopes of giving us the best day we could possibly imagine. Unfortunately, it’s the day of our dreams according to them. If you are anything like me this poses a problem since my parents and I are very different. We have different tastes and different ideas of what my wedding should be like. My answer to this? Pay for everything yourself, that way you have total control over the wedding and don’t tell your parents anything. I made that mistake and had an incident (see entry Black and White). If it means having a smaller wedding, do it. That way you can invite your friends instead of having 3 tables of your mom and dad’s acquaintances congratulating you while you try to figure out who they are. Let’s just hope they were generous with the card ;)

2. Media. “Say yes to the dress”, “Rich Bride Poor Bride”, and a number of other reality based TV shows makes us feel that we have to plan it bigger, badder and better. Before TLC’s “Say yes to the Dress” I would have never thought of paying 10K for a dress, but people do it! And on the show that’s considered mid range. The most expensive dress I’ve seen purchased was 25K...Hmm….down payment on a house or a dress I’ll only wear once? Tough call.

3. Ourselves. We are our worst enemy. We let all these outside factors effect what should be one of the happiest days of our life. We put these expectations on ourselves and never question if they are realistic. Case in point the dress; we (myself included) stress over finding THE dress, expecting this wave of emotion to wash over us telling us that it’s the right one. We never stop to think, maybe I wont have that “the one” moment. Or, how about the whole overall picture of the wedding? We see these big budget weddings on TV or go to a friends wedding and feel the pressure to measure up, and sometimes it’s just not financially possible.

Ice sculptures, imported flowers, chocolate fountains, designer dresses, and exotic locations; these are all things that are great to have and granted add overall look and feel of your wedding, but it makes me wonder is the stress worth is? As a Bridezilla myself the answer for me is Yes, but that’s just me.

Obviously, there are so many other factors that cause Bridezilla behavior, too many to mention here. But my point here is this. If you are going to became a Bridezilla know that it’s not just you, external factors have lead your down this path. Be controlling, picky and out spoken, be yourself, it’s your day. Just keep it in check and remember that it’s just one day, and if you piss people off enough, the day of your dreams may end up being a nightmare.

**Please note that this Bantering Bride will not have Ice sculptures, imported flowers, chocolate fountains, a designer dress, and exotic location because she is poor and refuses to bankrupt herself for a dream wedding**

Smile For The Camera!

137 days to go.

YAY! Engagement photos are this weekend; Yes, I am aware we are a little late, but we wanted to wait for sunnier skies (though the forecast calls for clouds) Anyway, super stoked to play super model for a day. As I debated on what to wear, I started thinking; why do we really need to have engagement photos anyway? Is it just one of those things we think we should have done since everyone else does it? Or is it one of the many cash grabs created by vendors to get all they can out of love drunk couples too preoccupied with wedding planning details to notice they are being sold on a service they really didn’t need?

So I decided to do some hardcore investigating…I Googled it. Why should I have engagement photos taken? According to weddingchannel.com it’s the best way to get comfortable with your photographer before the wedding. It breaks the ice and leads to more natural photos on the big day. Ok I can accept that for a valid reason for having them done. I mean I want to be comfortable enough on my wedding day that my pictures don’t turn out horrible. I mean it’s a one shot deal right? You can’t have a do over of your big day, well you can, but it’s not the same. The wonderful people at weddingchannel.com also go on to include the fact that if you intend to print out your pictures you may have to pay your photographer compensation if you want to print out the pics yourself since the photographer has the rights to the picture….throat clears…Cash grab. (Don’t even get me started on how it bugs me that you have to pay your photographer an absorbent amount of money for the rights to print pictures of yourself)

Theknot.com also gave the same reason. They also added that it’s a great way to announce your engagement, save the dates, a newspaper announcement…etc, which is why it is customary to take them soon after the bended knee deed is done. Well, in our case the save the dates were in the form of an e-mail and we are not the type to put out an announcement in the newspaper, so those points are wasted on couples such as ourselves. Theknot.com also gave a suggestion for brides to tryout there wedding day make up and hair before the big day. This makes me laugh a little, especially when talking about trying out your wedding hairstyle. What you wear for your engagement photos are often more casual then on your wedding day, traditionally anyway. So how will the same hairstyle be fitting? When flipping through the magazines of “real weddings” I often see brides with their hair in an up-do, or something more formal, I think I may look a little silly if my hair was all done up and I was walking though a park or downtown with Prince Charming…. again, this point is wasted on brides such as myself. Plus, Prince Charming has no idea what I have in store for my wedding day. I’m one of those brides who wants to surprise groom on the day of.

Given, these two online wedding sites provide valid points and they make sense for the most part, some just don’t apply to Prince Charming and I. So if our photographer didn’t include this in his package I’m not sure if I would have them done, depends if it fit with our budget. Obviously, I say that now, but who are we kidding….me giving up a chance to be a supermodel? Never.

Shower Me With Love.

143 days to go

I've been really stressed out lately. It's not all wedding related, though I admit I have had moments where I didn't know where to start to get back on track with the whole wedding planning bit. Most of the stress has been body and work related and to be honest with you it was really bumming me out. Then I got an e-vite in my inbox...Bridal shower! My bridal shower! Okay, a bit of background first. My Maid of Honor, G, is half way around the world in Hong Kong so she is unable to really do all the "Maid of Honor duties" but L (bless her heart) decided to step in and throw me a little shin dig which would also act as my "stagette";I'll be catering her shower later on this summer to return the favor:) At first I will admit I wasn't so excited about it. The visions of toilet paper brides and penis straws jumped into my mind. Which is fine for some, but in my mind I was a little old to be doing all that.

Even registering was weird for me.I mean Prince Charming and I have lived together for 6 years. What did I need to register for. Okay, think of it as an upgrade on the cheap stuff you already have, fine.I guess I couldn't really justify buying some of this stuff for myself on a regular day, cast iron cassarole...yes! So after a while of "shopping" it progressive became more fun, running around Bed Bath and Beyond with the scan gun...beep!

Maybe it was just me and my too cool for school attitude but I really wasn't so pumped about all the fuss. Till that little e-vite popped up and now I'm stoked! I think it could have been the calumniation of all that work stress and feeling unfit finally getting to me. The thought of having my wonderful friends around me is something I've been missing since moving to Ottawa and the thought of knowing in a few short weeks I will have a day to see all my girls in Toronto (home town) lightens the stress just bit and makes me smile. Don't get me wrong I have wonderful friends here in Ottawa as well, but there is something different about going back home. My wish is to some day build friendships as strong as the ones I've maintained with the ladies I've grown up with. That's when I'll all Ottawa home in every sense of the word.

Weighing in

148 days to go

So I've been in sort of a funky frenzy lately, feeling tired and off-kilter; Not feeling like my usual organized sassy self. Maybe it's because I've been away, maybe the weather? It's gotten nicer out and it seems to be an in-my-face reminder that time is ticking and in a bat of a faulse eyelash my wedding will be here. Neglected has been my fitness regament and my diet. Laying on the beach and climbing up a Mayan Ruin does not burn the same number of calories as a spin class, especially when you are eating tacos and drinking sugary slushy drinks all day (no alcohol for this Sassy Bride).

I know what you may be thinking....What about the trainer? The Trainer worked! I lost 10 lbs and a total of 15 inches (before our getaway). As perviously ranted The Trainer had me on this crazy diet that cut out my two very food friends sugar and carbs. Carbs and I have a loving relationships. I love carbs...and carbs love me; In fact carbs loves me so much that it goes straght to my ass and makes a new home. I know that the vacation is over and in a few short months this Sassy Bride will be a Sassy Wife. So, I'm back to being conscious of what I'm eating and getting my bread loving butt back onto a spin bike.

After all, the goal is still there. To feel confident and fit (not nessessary thin) on the big day and hopefully after. It's not about how small my dress size is; it's about how I feel in my own skin. Right now I feel slow, lazy and not so fresh; not how I want to feel on the day I've been blogging about for the past 9+ months. I know that once I get back into the groove I'll be strutting around the house in my underwear and heels...I mean even if I don't lose another inch-10 lbs...better then nothing right?

The To Do List

150 days to go

Alright now, I'm back from vacation and wedding planning s now officially in overdrive; for now. This past weekend we hit our 5 month to go mark (that's 20 weeks people!) and I have so much to do. Being the control-freak I am I decided to make a list of the things I needed to do today. I pulled out the blinged out Crackberry to make a list, this way it would always be accessible since I hardly ever part with my phone which I've affectionately nicknamed "Bedazzle".(Don't judge) Could this be right? Impossible! How can I still have much to do? I looked down at Bedazzle I swear my heart stopped for a second.

I thought I was a head of the game but now when I put it down on paper I realize that I have much more to do then I originally thought. What sucks is that some things I can't do till closer to the wedding date. Like talk to my officiant, get the marriage licence, seating chart (since I have to send out invites AND get RSVP s back) Am I just being overly dramatic (yes, most likely) or is this normal (yes, most likely) I have to prioritize. What can be done first? Invites? table numbers?

So here is the plan, for now. I have over 20 things to do and less then 20 weeks to do it; I don't want to have to do anything the week before the wedding (which you know wont happen) My plan is to chug along and complete at least 2 tasks per week. Maybe I 'll be really anal retentive and complete 3 per week :) as I go along I will mark my progress with Bedazzle and it will reward me with a list of checked off tasks.