My Maid of Honor will NOT be naked!

31 Days to go

Still no update from my venue. Now I know that they have other (more anxious and stressed out) brides to deal with then me and I’m sure their job has not been easy these past few days. But we are all selfish creatures and we all want to be top priority (weather if it’s realistic or not) especially a Bride to be. Now I know this isn’t going to happen so I just need to sit and wait. I’m trying to not be negative about this with the hopes that my good vibes and karma will be rewarded later on closer to my wedding.; ie, everything will work out the way it was supposed to *wink, wink, nudge, nudge to the wedding gods**

I did however get a piece of good news last night though. My Maid of Honor, who lives in Hong Kong finally, is getting her dress made. I’m sure many of you are in shock that she would have waited so long and so close to the actual wedding, or why I would have allowed it to be put off for so long. Well in Asia, a custom dress can be made in a matter of a week and I gave her the choice of choosing her own style as long as it matched my color scheme. I figured that there was no use in me dictating what she should wear mainly because she was half a world away and the only one in my side of the bridal party (aside from my Usher/MC who is wearing whatever suit he wants to as well) with all this stress from the venue fire and the wedding being a few weeks away, I was really starting to worry that she hadn’t gotten it ordered yet, especially since she lands in Canada August 18^th. Believe me, it wasn’t fro the lack of trying to ride her ass to get this darn dress made, it’s just so hard to get a hold of her due to the time difference and all. Plus, I know she was avoiding me because she hadn’t placed the order the last time I emailed her. Anyways, the dress will be done in a few days and she will send me a picture of it before she leaves for Canada…I hope it’s not ugly.

Saying 'Yes' to the Dress

280 days to go.

Milestone in wedding planning today. I 've said 'Yes' to my dress. To be completely honest I feel a giant weight lifted. I know that the dress I chose is the right one for me. After trying on dress after dress, not quite feeling right in any of them I found it. It took me another trip to try it on again to realize that it was the right fit for me, that and the fact that I've been looking at pictures of me in it for the past few weeks.

There is all this hype about finding the right dress...The One. There's even the TLC show devoted to it; which yes, I am addicted to. People always tell you, when you find it you know; which is true to an extent. You know because you feel that you don't have to look anymore, not that a wave of emotion will wash over you and tears will come streaming down your face. Listen, I'm not knocking the experience for others out there, but sometimes you find the one without really even knowing it. Sometimes it takes a second try or a second, third and fourth glance.

Maybe I'm just not that kind of girl; the girl who looks in the mirror and starts to cry because all her life she had been looking forward to the moment where she can see herself in her wedding dress. I'm not the girl who has been dreaming of one perfect day. I don't wanna look like a princess or a fairy or whatever they try to look like. I just wanna look like me. As you have realized my now,I am no princess. I just wanna be in a pretty dress with hot shoes. I wanna look back at my photos and not cringe, not say "what was I thinking? No cream puff here please. I know, I know, I'm taking all the fun out of being a Bride. The dressing up and the being the centre of attention. Don't get me wrong. I want all of that. For the ladies out there who did and will cry when they put on 'the one' and for all those ladies who do wanna be a princess, I say all the more power to you. I just wanna be the Bride on my own terms, in my own way and the princess way is not it. After all, I think that is the most important thing to keep in mind when figuring out the day's attire.

I will say this. I am very happy with my decision. I feel great in my dress and most of all I feel like myself. I look at myself in it and I feel content. The dress is not overpowering me and I don't overpower it; can I stand to loose a few pounds in it? well that's a given, but I and the dress have met in balance. It may not be a Wang or a Monique Lhullier, and that's okay with me. Heck, it may not even what the future hubby would expect me to choose but I think he will be pleasantly surprised. Well, he better. For the prices they charge (before alterations) he better think I'm the hottest thing around... That is if he doesn't already.

Is size is just a number?

284 days to go.

There I was laying on the couch, sick as a dog watching TV when Tyra came on. Now, I usually don't watch talk shows..especially Tyra, but this one got my attention. It was about society's perception of people based on their weight. To give you the low down she had a group of people (different shapes and sizes) and asked them to rank which body type should be at the top of the social ladder. Needless to say this cased a stir. I mean that is what makes for good television, isn't it? Especially when a former model tells us we shouldn't judge based on looks.

This made me think; Not like I had anything much else to do since I was hacking, coughing and blowing my nose. It made me think of the pressure for Brides to look a certain way one their wedding day. To be fit, lean and wear their dress like nobody's business. I will admit I have put the same pressure on myself but have fallen behind for the time being. Now, let me say if I do loose any weight I don't want it to be dramatic to the point where it's not me anymore. Last thing I want is to loose curves and be mistaken for a teenage boy. I am who I am and nothing can change that...I'd just like to be me with a smaller dress size :)

I can only speak for myself here. I feel that the pressure maybe ever more present for a woman like me. A "big girl" who has tried for years to control her weight wedding dress shopping has been tough. Don't misunderstand me, when I'm fit I love the way I look, I'll strut around in my underwear like I'm a super model. But when I'm not well...let's not go there. This turned my focus on dress shopping, since I have yet to put a deposit down on a dress I couldn't help but wonder if I was at an unfair disadvantage because of my size.

For those of you who have never been wedding dress shopping, it humbles you. Sizing completely messed up. If you are usually a size 6 you wear an 8 in wedding dress. A size 10 wears a size 12 and so on and so on. That alone can easily deflate any ego. To add to that the fact that there is only one dress in a certain style in the store...well. There are so many dresses I wanted to try on when I flipped through the wedding magazines and the online stores. However, many of the samples were never in my size. Given if it's close enough to your size you still try it on and you get clipped into it; but what if it was off...way off. Say I needed as size 12 and it came in a 8. Let me tell you, that sucker is not fitting anywhere on this body, and the last ting I need is to come out and stand on a pedestal is a dress that doesn't do up with my ass hanging out the back.

I know a salon can't house every size of one particular dress, I just wish that some of the choices they did have in a larger size were more sexy and modern rather then looking like a giant satin duvet. Now I'm not looking for a pity party or for people to feel sorry for the "big girl". I'm just saying that Bridal gown shopping is one place (like bathing suit shopping) where "bigger girls" may feel fuller then they already are, it's defiantly not for the faint of heart that's for sure. I mean a smaller woman can fit into a bigger dress and have it pinned to fit, but a bigger girl ends up feeling (and looking) like a sausage in a dress that is obviously too small for her... bratwurst anyone?

I know, I know, it is all about fit and finding balance, and when total balance is achieved the dress will look fabulous. In fact, I think I found a dress that makes me smile and if I didn't have boobs and an ass...well, it would look as good as it does.

However, still have to get back into the gym...nothing worse then back ass! But ultimatley, it's about a state of mind. I will work my dress like it's nobody's business because I know I can rock it.