To Tea or not to Tea...

79 days to go.

As a CBC (Canadian Born Chinese) I have always tried to find balance between my Western upbringing and my Chinese background. Now that I’m in the thick of wedding planning I started to think if I should be doing a traditional tea ceremony. For those of you who don’t know, in Chinese culture, it is tradition to have the bride and groom serve tea to elders so they can offer the happy couple their blessings (often in the form of a lucky red envelope full of money). I couldn’t help but wonder, was I jipping myself by not having one? I know, a wedding is not a cash grab and it’s about celebrating your love. But lets be honest, we all would love to celebrate with a little extra padding in the bank account right?

This led me to think about all the other non-Asian things we were doing for the wedding. For the most part our wedding is western 100%, no 10 course Chinese dinner with shark fin soup and crab claws; instead it’s a 5 course meal with soup, salad, duck, steak or fish. There will be no red “kay-po” (the red Chinese dress you see hostesses wear at Chinese banquet halls); instead I will change into a modern party dress. And finally, no double happiness symbol hanging in the back….My friends and I call it the Chinese Gong Show. We find that those of us getting married in our generation usually opt for the western wedding; the traditional Asian wedding is more to cater the family, not in all cases, but most. Strange thing is I used to want all of that, especially the food. But when planning the big event I found that it wasn’t right for me. First of all I don’t have a Chinese restaurant in Ottawa that I like enough to trust my wedding to and the cost is pretty much the same as a western wedding if not more. I always thought it would be cheaper. So to satisfy the older Asians in the family we will have a dinner for immediate family the night before at a Chinese restaurant.

The more I think about it the more I realized we made the right decision for us. I mean Prince Charming is Vietnamese, not Chinese, and not all traditions are the same, though they do take part in Tea Ceremonies. To have a western wedding would just be less stressful for the both of us, rather then trying to incorporate 2 cultures and then you have family trying to chime in. If we did decide to have an Asian wedding we probably would have opted to have the wedding in my hometown of Toronto. That would have been logistically more difficult. But to make it easier on ourselves, and since we are both pretty “Canadianized” we are not bowing to any Asian traditions. So X-nay on the tea ceremony idea….I think it may just be me creating a make work project for myself since the wedding is fast approaching and new ideas pop into my head all the time. I guess at the end of the day it really is more important to have our day, our way rather then putting in a ceremony simply for a potential cash grab and to make the parents happy… If they want tea, it will be served with dessert, or they can opt for coffee :)

It's Black and White

162 days to go.

I am so happy to see Vera Wang is bring back black. I love the modern contrast and I think it looks so cool and contemporary. I bring up Wang and her Fall 2010 collection for a reason. This top designer has reassured me that Prince Charming and I have made good choices for our wedding that suit us and represent the people we are, or like to think we are. Why do I bring this up you ask? Well...

...So I had a mild melt down a few weeks ago; and still I feel aggravated just thinking about it to be honest with you. Now I know my family has their own opinions of what is wedding appropriate and what is "nice", but really, at the end of the day Prince Charming and I are the ones getting married (and flipping the bill I might add) and we are in no means an old fashioned Asian couple, so what's the problem.

I understand that if my parents had their way I would have a "Chinese Gong Show" of a wedding. The Cheng Sham (the dresses you see the hostesses wear at the Chinese restaurant) the tea ceremony, the red and gold decor with a giant double happiness symbol and of course the 8+ course wedding reception with a bunch of people I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I've been to many Asian weddings that were beautiful and well done, but I had told them early on...there will be none of that here. Just a small wedding in Ottawa. Friends and close family, if they had a special request I would appease them but it was a speak now or forever hold your peace sort of thing. And so they did, hold their peace....well up until 6 months to go; after all the decor, flowers and invites had been bought and paid for.

The dispute? something so silly; our choice of colours. I had purchased black table runners to go with our Black, White and blue colour scheme. All of the sudden my parents decided they had to chime in. "It's like a funeral" they said "the colours are unlucky, can't you have burgundy runners instead?". First of all it's a wedding,, our wedding, and if my guests think if a funeral well, they are at the wrong party. Second, luck does not come in a form of a colour and luck is not a marriage make. Third, burgundy has nothing to do with my wedding. So on and on did this go on... till I couldn't take it anymore and put my foot down. Well, sort of. Black table runners are out; Black, white and blue colour scheme is in. Nothing further will be done to appease the old school Asians and their superstitions and no further details of the wedding decor or style will be divulged to family to limit any more headaches for Prince Charming and myself.

At the end of the day we want our wedding our way. In 15 years my guest will not look back and say "I can't believe they used black in their colours. Hopefully they will look back and say that was one of the best times I had at a wedding". Did I fail to mention Vera Wang is Asian ...Mom?...Dad?