Prince Charming's Gift.

243 days to go.

On Christmas morning our Sassy Bride awoke to find a wonderful gift from her Prince Charming. She took one look at the envelope and smiled. Prince Charming had given her a gift certificate to a well known Toronto landmark for our Sassy Bride to buy a dress. Oh, but this wasn't just any old dress, this was the dress the Sassy Bride had sadly parted ways with on her previous pilgrimage to the T-dot. It was too expensive and the Sassy Bride couldn't bare to spend the Benjamins on this dress for her wedding reception...after all, it wasn't ever her wedding dress. But there it was, a gift card that paid for a good chunk of the dress. insert Sassy smile here

As the Sassy Bride hugged and thanked Prince Charming (no kisses because he was sick) she found out the trouble he had gone to to to make our Sassy Bride's Christmas morning a happy one. You see this lovely Toronto Boutique ( http://fashioncrimes.ca) didn't have online shopping, so our Prince Charming hopped onto his horse (Aka; Mazda) and made the trip to Toronto and back just to get our Sassy Bride a gift certificate so she would have something to open on Christmas morning...that's a 10 hour drive total people!

Since they both had a few days off, down through The Shwa, and Scarlam into The 416 to pick up the dress they went. Still the Sassy Bride couldn't believe the dress she loved so much would be hers; but more yet, that Price Charming went through all the trouble just to give our Sassy Bride a special dress for her wedding day. While all the stylists commented on the how sweet Prince charming was, the dress was modeled and Prince Charming approved with a smile it was bought, paid for and wrapped up. There amongst to satin and taffeta our Sassy Bride felt a warm glow inside. There is no better feeling then knowing you are going to merry the best man for you; That there is nobody out there in this world that can make you feel the way he does. And for that this Sassy Bride couldn't ask for anything more, and that was the best Christmas gift of all.

Beautiful On My Own Terms

251 days to go.

So last week I started with a personal trainer with the hopes of slimming down for my upcoming nuptials. I mean really, who wants to look like a sausage on their wedding day right? I guess I thought it would be a good idea; I mean what better reason to get into shape then your wedding day...and what better motivation. After all I have to look back at the photos when I'm old and gray, last thing I want is to look back and wish I worked out a little more and feel bad about the way I looked. To be completely honest, I know I've put on the pounds these past few years, maybe it's the fact that I am so comfortable with my life, or the fact that I have been flat out lazy...OK, Let's face it, it's partially because Little Cesar's offers Crazy Bread, and I love Crazy Bread!

I've always been really good with working out...that is when I get my junk in the trunk ass to the gym. Working out was not the issue, it was, and still is the eating part that kiboshes my efforts. I must say, this Bantering Bride does love her food. She loves her bacon, her butter, her bread, her cheese and everything else that's bad for you. So imagine my concern when my trainer gave me a meal plan to follow. Tuna, Chicken,no red meat, egg whites and portion control. Usually this wouldn't bother me, I actually like egg whites but no red meat? So I gave it a shot. Did I end up cheating? Yes, am I ashamed? No.

A few days into it I realized that the diet had more of an effect on me then I had imagined. Not only was i in taking less calories, I was loosing brain cells and most of all I was moody and irritable...more so then usual.

All I could think about is food. What I could and could not eat. I'm consumed about how often I was eating (because I have to eat every 3 hours to rev up my metabolism) and how much I was eating. It's out of control, I was (I'll admit, still am a little) consumed with what I was putting into my body, was I not strong enough for this? Was I deviating from my trainers plan? would I be judged? With everything going on in my head I was messing up at work, and snapping at my wonderful fiance over the smallest things. Irritable...This Bantering Bride was very irritable. So finally I made a decision.

After 4 days of dry tuna, no salt no oil and carrots, making numerous mistakes at work and 2 mini breakdowns at home I put my foot down. I realize my own limits. Don't get me wrong, I'm not abandoning my trainer and my weight loss goals; I'm just doing it on my own terms. No crash cleanse diet for me. I'm all about portion control, cutting out the bad stuff and reving up my metabolism. I realize that if I followed this strict can and cannot eat diet I would just gain it all back in a few months. I had to approach this the way I did when I quite smoking. I just changed the way I looked at things. I wasn't gonna beat myself up for indulging once in a while, I just had to realize that my indulgences had to be limited ...if not, it wouldn't be an indulgence anymore, it would just be unhealthy eating.

I'm still motivated to loose weight for the wedding but I'm starting to look beyond that. I'd like to keep it off. I'd like not to look like a sausage for my wedding day, and many days, weeks, moths, years after that. After years of beating myself up over weight I have to convince myself that the only person judging me is me...well, that should be the only judgement I care about anyway. Work in progress I'll get there Chicken breast, tuna and all. It will happen. I just have focus on me and my goal...To walk down the aisle not as a sausage in white, but as a beautiful blushing Bantering Bride.

Crazy Bread I will miss you.

Seeking Inspiration

269 days to go

Okay, I've been lagging on some of the wedding planning lately, and I'm starting to feel it. With the holidays just around the corner and contemplating a major life change for myself (as if marraige wasn't a big enough milestone) I've just had a lot to think about. Add to it I have been having a b!tch of a time finding a decent make up artist and a hair style I like. I had my hair trial a few weeks ago, and came out more confused then ever. I asked the stylist for a certain style. In retrospect I have no idea what I was thinking. I should never have even suggested such a style. To make a long story short I looked like I was getting ready for my highschool prom.

I really don't know why I suggested what I did. I think that after looking through so mny photos and websites you get this image in your mind of what you think a Bride should look like, even if it doesn't suite your personality at all. Trail #1- lesson learned. Now to find something I like and that suites me. You would think that it would be easy....negative my friends. You can't imagine how hard it is to find a style that works for a large round head Chinese woman with a "full" face...tricky, very tricky. So these past few weeks I've been flipping through magaiznes, Google images and countless websites. I guess only time will tell and I have to keep trying till I find something right; at $50.00 a pop I better find it soon.

On the bright side I did find a hairstylist that seems to know what she is doing...after all she did do what I asked her to do. Make up artist on the other hand, not so easy (please see Rant # 1) After countless email attempts I have given up on my original make up artist. Now I have to find another, good thing I had a few back ups. Appointments have been made and now I have to again find something I like. So much pressure! The thought that these pictures will stay with me for life freaks the living crap out of me. What if I end up looking like a Drag Queen? Even worse, what if I think I look good like that until I look back on my photos? Shake it off! Okay, back to my dilemma, I have a limited number of resource to draw inspiration from. I don't look like most Asian women; I'm kind of in between. I'm Chinese with Chinese features, but lack the paleness and thinness in the face. When I Google Asian make up I get pictures of people like Lucy Lu and other dainty women who have tiny features or on the flip side, women with an absurd amount of make up on in the most inappropriate colours. There aren't a lot of pictures out there of Large headed Chinese women with "full" faces. Really whats a big headed, round faced Asian to do?

Ranting Post #1

274 days to go.

People who don't follow up or confirm appointments. People who don't respond to your phone calls or e-mails. People who try to jack up their price because they know it's your wedding day, and you'll pay them because you need their service. These are just a few things that have been pissing me off so far during this whole wedding planning process.

Since when has it been OK to make an appointment and not confirm it and end up cancelling at the last minute? When did it become a good business practice to ignore a potential customer and a) make them wait b) not respond to e-mails or phone calls or c) charge a ridiculous price for something solely for the fact that it's for a wedding?

I'm not sure if it's common business practice or if I am just contacting the wrong vendors. But these are reputable people who run their our businesses. They come highly recommended...is it me? Am I expecting too much? Is expecting a phone call back just to much to ask?

I don't know, I really don't. Maybe it's the city I live in. Maybe the pond is so small that these "business owners" feel that you will put up with their $hit because it's slim pickings...

Really....WTF?

Saying 'Yes' to the Dress

280 days to go.

Milestone in wedding planning today. I 've said 'Yes' to my dress. To be completely honest I feel a giant weight lifted. I know that the dress I chose is the right one for me. After trying on dress after dress, not quite feeling right in any of them I found it. It took me another trip to try it on again to realize that it was the right fit for me, that and the fact that I've been looking at pictures of me in it for the past few weeks.

There is all this hype about finding the right dress...The One. There's even the TLC show devoted to it; which yes, I am addicted to. People always tell you, when you find it you know; which is true to an extent. You know because you feel that you don't have to look anymore, not that a wave of emotion will wash over you and tears will come streaming down your face. Listen, I'm not knocking the experience for others out there, but sometimes you find the one without really even knowing it. Sometimes it takes a second try or a second, third and fourth glance.

Maybe I'm just not that kind of girl; the girl who looks in the mirror and starts to cry because all her life she had been looking forward to the moment where she can see herself in her wedding dress. I'm not the girl who has been dreaming of one perfect day. I don't wanna look like a princess or a fairy or whatever they try to look like. I just wanna look like me. As you have realized my now,I am no princess. I just wanna be in a pretty dress with hot shoes. I wanna look back at my photos and not cringe, not say "what was I thinking? No cream puff here please. I know, I know, I'm taking all the fun out of being a Bride. The dressing up and the being the centre of attention. Don't get me wrong. I want all of that. For the ladies out there who did and will cry when they put on 'the one' and for all those ladies who do wanna be a princess, I say all the more power to you. I just wanna be the Bride on my own terms, in my own way and the princess way is not it. After all, I think that is the most important thing to keep in mind when figuring out the day's attire.

I will say this. I am very happy with my decision. I feel great in my dress and most of all I feel like myself. I look at myself in it and I feel content. The dress is not overpowering me and I don't overpower it; can I stand to loose a few pounds in it? well that's a given, but I and the dress have met in balance. It may not be a Wang or a Monique Lhullier, and that's okay with me. Heck, it may not even what the future hubby would expect me to choose but I think he will be pleasantly surprised. Well, he better. For the prices they charge (before alterations) he better think I'm the hottest thing around... That is if he doesn't already.

Is size is just a number?

284 days to go.

There I was laying on the couch, sick as a dog watching TV when Tyra came on. Now, I usually don't watch talk shows..especially Tyra, but this one got my attention. It was about society's perception of people based on their weight. To give you the low down she had a group of people (different shapes and sizes) and asked them to rank which body type should be at the top of the social ladder. Needless to say this cased a stir. I mean that is what makes for good television, isn't it? Especially when a former model tells us we shouldn't judge based on looks.

This made me think; Not like I had anything much else to do since I was hacking, coughing and blowing my nose. It made me think of the pressure for Brides to look a certain way one their wedding day. To be fit, lean and wear their dress like nobody's business. I will admit I have put the same pressure on myself but have fallen behind for the time being. Now, let me say if I do loose any weight I don't want it to be dramatic to the point where it's not me anymore. Last thing I want is to loose curves and be mistaken for a teenage boy. I am who I am and nothing can change that...I'd just like to be me with a smaller dress size :)

I can only speak for myself here. I feel that the pressure maybe ever more present for a woman like me. A "big girl" who has tried for years to control her weight wedding dress shopping has been tough. Don't misunderstand me, when I'm fit I love the way I look, I'll strut around in my underwear like I'm a super model. But when I'm not well...let's not go there. This turned my focus on dress shopping, since I have yet to put a deposit down on a dress I couldn't help but wonder if I was at an unfair disadvantage because of my size.

For those of you who have never been wedding dress shopping, it humbles you. Sizing completely messed up. If you are usually a size 6 you wear an 8 in wedding dress. A size 10 wears a size 12 and so on and so on. That alone can easily deflate any ego. To add to that the fact that there is only one dress in a certain style in the store...well. There are so many dresses I wanted to try on when I flipped through the wedding magazines and the online stores. However, many of the samples were never in my size. Given if it's close enough to your size you still try it on and you get clipped into it; but what if it was off...way off. Say I needed as size 12 and it came in a 8. Let me tell you, that sucker is not fitting anywhere on this body, and the last ting I need is to come out and stand on a pedestal is a dress that doesn't do up with my ass hanging out the back.

I know a salon can't house every size of one particular dress, I just wish that some of the choices they did have in a larger size were more sexy and modern rather then looking like a giant satin duvet. Now I'm not looking for a pity party or for people to feel sorry for the "big girl". I'm just saying that Bridal gown shopping is one place (like bathing suit shopping) where "bigger girls" may feel fuller then they already are, it's defiantly not for the faint of heart that's for sure. I mean a smaller woman can fit into a bigger dress and have it pinned to fit, but a bigger girl ends up feeling (and looking) like a sausage in a dress that is obviously too small for her... bratwurst anyone?

I know, I know, it is all about fit and finding balance, and when total balance is achieved the dress will look fabulous. In fact, I think I found a dress that makes me smile and if I didn't have boobs and an ass...well, it would look as good as it does.

However, still have to get back into the gym...nothing worse then back ass! But ultimatley, it's about a state of mind. I will work my dress like it's nobody's business because I know I can rock it.

Unveiled

290 days to go

I never pictured myself as a princess at my wedding. Honestly, I've always seemed to be a low key kind of girl. I will admit, I pictured the dress, the venue, the food. But never in the snapshots of my mind did I wear a veil. It always seemed too old fashioned for my taste, and too girlie to suite my Tomboy personality. It wasn't until I was trying on dresses and the pushy sales women put it in my hair (to increase sales) did I ever considered the option. "It makes you look more like a Bride" they would say...Ummm...Hello...I'm the one wearing a big white dress.

There are just so many different styles out there that I figured I'd do some research to what worked for me. Plus, I have to do my homework since some of these suckers cost upward of $300.00. If you thought a veil was a veil, well, I'm sorry to tell you that you have been misinformed. Off the top of my head I can count five. Cathedral, Bubble, blusher, fingertip and birdcage. Not to mention the various embellishments (because being a bride is all about the bedazzle :P)

Cathedral: Think Royal wedding of Diana and Charles circa 1986. That sucker goes on for miles. But you can get them shorter and with less or more layers- they just go by different names (sweep, fingertip, teired)

Bubble: Think Bride of Chuckie

Blusher: It's supposed to cover your face in case you have to compose yourself. These are the ones where the groom lifts it over your face to kiss the bride. Usually a shorter veil.

Fingertip: The common veil warn today. It cascades down to about the fingertips and can be warn over the face or not.

Birdcage: That's the one that attaches to the head and covers your face (sometimes partially) with a cage like fabric (french netting) rather then the traditional tulle.

Does a veil really make a Bride's ensemble? If I opt for no veil will I look back at my photos and regret it? Can I wear a veil without looking or feeling silly? These are all questions running through my mind as I flip through the various magazines and online photos. I've never been a Fru Fru type of girl, despite having an obsession for shoes , bags and the occasional gotti accessory; but then I realize that I do want the whole experience of being a Bride. I want to walk down that aisle feeling like a Bride. We all hope that we will only get married once; so why not pull out all the stops (within reason).

I have since decided on a veil style but I'm sorry you will all have to wait to see the end result. And for those of you who know....shhhhh

Question is, will it fit my big Bride head?

A Hairy Situation

306 days to go.

I have realized my biggest mistake since moving to Ottawa four years ago. I never found (committed) to a hairstylist. Now as I search the city for an affordable and reputable (and mobile) stylist I'm finding it next to impossible. I always laughed when Q told me to find a stylist here. I would explain to him how the relationship between a woman and her stylist is very important and should not be entered in lightly. The trust I have in my current stylist (in T.O and cannot travel) is unparalleled. He's been cutting my hair since I was 16, how do I just move on?

Now I know I should have. I have been looking all over the city for a mobile hair stylist for my wedding day. I find that once you use the word "wedding" you have officially given businesses to financially rape you. They know you will spend it and they will gouge every penny from you. Look I'm not usually cheap...ok, maybe a little. But how does one justify $200 on getting one's hair did? Really? I don't even spend that when I get it cut! Plus, throw in extensions if my hair doesn't grow long enough and the hair of my Maid of Honor, mother and soon to be mother in-law... I repeat... Financially raped.

All I know is that this part of the planning is actually really stressing me out. More so then the dress. I guess because I'm not talented enough to do a really good job with my hair, and plus, this is the way I will look on the day I get married...there is just a little bit of pressure don't you think.

The Tale of the Sassy Bride's Shoes

318 days to go


Once upon a time, in the cold far way land there was a Sassy Bride who was in search of the perfect pair of wedding shoes. Shoes were the ultimate in accessory as far as she was concerned and she knew that the perfect pair of Sassy shoes would complete her Sassy wedding day. After all what Sassy Bride would walk down the aisle in anything less?

Imagine her excitement when she first went dress shopping. After all the wonderful dresses she couldn't wait to go look for shoes, even though she had not found a dress yet. The Sassy Bride and her Sassy sidekick were on a mission. Find a pair of shoes that could only be described as one thing...Sassy. Browsing (and trying on) the Manolo's, the Stewart Weizman's and the Prada the Sassy Bride found two with true Sassy potential. Enter a Sassy Bride's two best

friends...Gucci and Valentino. As she slipped them on she couldn't help but feel fabulous. She didn't walk to the mirror, she strutted; so much so she didn't want to take them off. "How much are they?" asked the Sassy sidekick...."um...$795.00" replied the Sassy Bride. She quickly used her Asian genes and did the math. With tax that's $898.35. "Hmmm..."the Sassy Bride said "I'll have to think about it" . Deep down inside the Sassy Bride knew she couldn't buy them, no matter how fabulous they were; her Prince Charming would not be impressed. After all, add $100.00 and you got a mortgage payment. But they were fabulous, no doubt about it.

Torn between being sensible and being financially irresponsible the Sassy Bride continued to look for the perfect wedding shoes. All seemed hopeless. Was there no store in this cold, fashion challenged city that housed shoes sassy enough for this Sassy Bride? One evening as she walked store to store she saw a pair with a bit of sass and a very high heel. Since the Sassy Brides shoe mantra has always been "If it's not a stiletto, it's not worth wearing" these shoes were right up her ally. "A size 8 1/2 and a size 9 please" she asked the sales girl. As she slipped the size 9 on ( yes, she has giant, not-so-sassy feet) she realized they would be too big. "On to the 8 1/2!" too small. What she going on? The Sassy Bride even tried to insert a gel insert to the size 9 to help them fit....No such luck! At Browns Shoes, the Sassy Brides feet were more size 8 3/4 then anything... :(

Broken hearted the Sassy Bride continued on her journey. Like a light shining at the end of the tunnel she saw them. She had seen them on the Internet and on a wedding forum before (only in another colour) It all made sense, the Sassy Bride thought; who is the Sassiest of them all? Barbie! Now, our Sassy Bride has never dressed like Barbie, never wanted to be like Barbie or even ever played with Barbie. Barbie and our Sassy Bride were utter strangers. But there they were...Barbie shoes.

As it turned out, Barbie was celebrating her Ruby birthday, and to honor her a line of shoes were designed. As the Sassy Bride tried them on she imagined walking down the aisle (and dancing the night away) Given, they may not be ideal for dancing, but with the money saved, she could

always look for Sassy Dancing shoes on another occasion as well. Now our Sassy Bride knows they're not her Gucci's or even her dream Louboutin's. But they are Sassy, Satin

and sexy....oh and they didn't cost this Sassy Bride a mortgage payment.

And yes, The Sassy Bride is wearing her Sassy Shoes while she writes this Sassy entry.

Putting it All in Perspective

320 Days to go

**Originally written September 21, 2009**

I don’t know why I’ve been letting this dress thing occupy so much of my time. I mean I’ve been sifting through websites, magazines and bridal salons...for what? A dress I’m only going to be wearing for a few hours? Aside from this being the most expensive dress I would have bought to date, I guess there is a lot of pressure on women to find a perfect dress and look smashing in it, after all she is the centre of it all on HER day…or is she?

Quite honestly I don’t want to be the centre of it all. It’s not MY day, it’s OUR day. Yes, I’ll plan it and make it fabulous, but I want our relationship to be the focus, not what I’m wearing; and I feel my OCD is taking the slowly killing the experience for me. Now I am aware that much of this is self induced. I have a tendency to over obsess and over analyze the smallest of details. Damn it, I should be enjoying this. I should be relishing in trying on dresses reserved for the most special of occasions and I should be excited, giddy even; not stressed out over not meeting society’s idea of perfection or obsessing over body image.

L said it best when she e-mailed me and said “But get whatever dress you want. If you think you look great in it, then get it as long as it doesn't break your budget you know?” Let’s be honest, not all of us will look like the “perfect bride” and may not even want to. I don’t think it’s quite my style. Tell you the truth; 5 years from now, people probably won’t even remember how I looked in my dress. My comfort should be the deciding factor. I need to shift focus from a dress to my future hubby and our relationship. This wedding is not to celebrate me. It’s to celebrate our life together and for our guest to have a great time and know how much they mean to us.

I think I need to go home and watch the Sex and the City movie again. I need to be reminded that when you find the right man; all that matters is the two of us. Even the most fantastic Vivian Westwood gown couldn't compare to a simple two piece if you are on the arm of the one you love.

DJ Dabacle

335 days to go

It all sounded so easy. Q and I needed a DJ and Q knew one. He seemed great. He had been DJing at local bars and clubs, and was willing to meet with us to go over details. All seemed well in the land of wedding planning. We went to a bar he was playing, listened to his mixing and all n' all liked what we heard. A few weeks passed and we finally found a good time to meet up and go over in more detail what he was offering to do for us. Sounds easy right? Our meeting went great; we told him what we were looking for and he quoted us a price and what he could do...sounds easy right? a few days passed and I messaged him. "We would love for you to be our DJ, please let us now if you are available"... No response. "Can you please quote the price in writing?" I messaged again...no response. I, being the tenacious little firecracker I am decided to call him. "Were you still interested in DJing our wedding?" Yes he said. "Great, please respond to my Facebook message and that can be our informal contract"...sounds simple right?...no response. Days passed, I call again....Voice mail. That was 7 days ago. Sufficed to say I am shopping around for a new DJ.

I don't understand. Am I being out of line for expecting at least a call back? Three questions pop into my head.

a) if you didn't want the work, why quote a price?

b) if you want the work why would you ignore your client?

c) Who does that?

So it's back to the drawing board when it comes to DJ. DJ means a lot to us, we want to dance and have a really good time. It's not like cool urban DJs run rampant in Ottawa. It's not the most kick'n city you know. So Here I am setting up meetings again. Simple right?

On the bright side, at least no contract was signed.

Dress Stress

342 days to go

Since I had bridal couture (or my affordable version of it) on the brain I spent last Sunday at a tiny unassuming bridal shop trying on dresses on my own. The trip was a spontaneous one so I was flying solo on this one. As is sifted through walls of taffeta, satin and lace I felt like I would never find "the one" I mean really, how can I find the one when I really didn't know what I wanted? That and the fact I was going through some major body image issues.

I tried on a few dresses to the merriment of other soon-to-be brides in the store, and laughed with them about how heavy these suckers were. Then, out I came behind the curtain with a Plain Jane dress what turned it's busseled back on the traditional style of satin, lace and bedazzled dresses I had seen so much of before. It was nice but I didn't instantly say " I'll take it", however, I did think to myself later "maybe this is it." I have to admit, I was thinking about it a lot. There's a lot of pressure on women when it comes to the dress. Not sure if it was my OCD setting in or if I just really liked the dress. I recruited the opinion of a few friends....mixed reactions. It was strange, I have never need the approval of other people when it came to what I was wearing, why was this different?

So I recruited S to come and look at the dress. She gave me her honest opinion, which I much appreciated. She wasn't crazy about it. There were some details about the dress she was not impressed with. It was good to balance out the pros and cons, not to say I have written off the dress completely but it was nice to get a outside opinion. If it were left to me I may have rushed into it and bought the dress already. We left to scour another salon for a dress....no success. There was one that would give my Plain Jane dress a run for it's money, so I have by no means made a decision; and maybe I wont decide till I've been to a few more stores. But despite it's cons, I still think my Plain Jane is the front runner. I'm just not ready to commit.

Why is this so hard for me I wonder. Not sure if I just haven't found it yet or if it's because I'm expecting this wave of emotion to wash over me. I've seen Brides cry , moms tear up and others

wow over dresses...for me not so much. Was I expecting the same reaction to tell me I was making the right decision? or was I just scared to say "yes" to the dress?

In all honestly, I know myself and when I want something, nobody will change my mind, in this case, even if the dress is not the most flattering. But I keep telling myself I cannot rush into this, after all I have the time to look. This is the one time in my life I can be picky and difficult and nobody can say a thing about it. The main thing is I just don't want to loose myself in this whole dress thing. I am who I am and I want my dress to reflect that. I don't want it to turn me into a tiara wearing, bedazzled, cookie cutter bride. Then I think to myself, maybe this urge to get away from all things bride has taken away some of the fun whole experience . Maybe, just maybe my desire to reject tradition is actually limiting me.

Mild Case of Dress Distress

350 days to go

Today was a big day. I, along with 3 girlfriends went to try on wedding dresses for the first time. I must admit I was a excited, but also scared at the same time. Excited that I was one step closer to finding the dress I would be married in, but scared that I would look horrible in them. (yes, I have issues)

As I shimmied in and out of dresses; each having details I liked and disliked I started to feel torn. Do I go with something more simple and add my own flare or do I go with something with details that stands on it's own with no additives from me. Needless to say I didn't walk out with a dress, nor did I intend to (not this visit anyway) This visit was so I could get a feel for what works and what didn't. Mission accomplished.

The more I think about it the more I'm not sure and torn. Anyone who knows me know I want to be different; to be non-traditional and funky as all hell. But on the other hand I want to be beautiful and wear a fabulous dress that is stunning and makes even me smile from ear to ear. Not like a princess but just fabulous. The big quesiton is how do I find the balance so that I dont look back and wonder if I should have gotten "the other dress". Then again, I have no dress now, and maybe all this is for nothing, when I do find THAT dress it will have the combination of all that I am looking for. But I can't help but wonder as I sit here typing. Will the dress wear me or will I wear the dress.

All I need is a little support

354 days to go

The day I've been looking forward to (and also dreading) is almost here. This Saturday I'm going dress shopping for the first time. I was hoping that I would be a bit more toned then I am now. But I guess not going to the gym for a week and a half and eating whatever I wanted hasn't helped my cause...come on, I've been on a mini vacation. I did however put my last day off to good use. Today I booked my Officiant, check mark on one very important thing done, and I found my support. What support you ask? Well, today was a very big day for this little piggy. I learned that for the past decade I've been wearing the wrong bra.

I took today as an opportunity to go out and get myself a strapless bra. I don't have one because a) I never wear anything strapless and b) I never wear anything strapless; but far be it for me to limit myself while wedding dress shopping; I mean, how can I hate it if I never tried it. Especially since it seems that 97% of the dresses I've seen are strapless. Mission, to find a strapless bra that wouldn't make my boobs look like torpedoes shooting out of the dress. Mission #2, find a dress that doesn't look make me look like a giant duvet was draped over me.

For the longest time I strapped the puppies in with a full C bra, thinking that that size was the largest size I could wear without making myself feel fat. I mean I'm fine with the C cup size of it all but the number...oh that dreded number; Come on many don't even go over a certian number size. 36 seems to be the highest "regular" size most stores carry anyway. I never wanted to feel anything less the "normal". It's like that fine line between regular and plus size, when I think plus size I think fat. I know it's not true and it's all about proportion but as a Asian woman in a larger body, plus size is not something I want to be. So for the past 10 years I have convinced myself that I was a full C. It took a middle aged Eastern European woman to show me the way. I was already walking a fine line by trying on a larger size. "No, No, No my Dear. I'm so glad you asked me. You need AT LEAST a *BEEP*." My eyes widened and jaw somewhat dropped. I could feel a look of confusion come over my face. Really? It was true, with much reluctance I tried it on and it fit like a glove. To think, all it took was the prospect of me getting married in a strapless dress on my wedding day to bring me this little bit of self discovery and one step closer to being comfortable with my body. Believe me, as a "larger girl" I have my share of body issues. But one thing is for sure, I will not look at size numbers for my wedding. Fit is key. If it fits well I will look good. I know this should be the case everyday but it's a start. CRAP! now I have to buy all new bras.

Save the Date!

365 days to go.

That's right, exactly 1 year to go before I walk down the aisle, and you know what, I can't wait. Today marked a major milestone in the wedding planning process. I sent out my Save the Dates. There is no turning back, the wheels have been set in motion and Q and I's wedding info has been sent out into cyber space....yes, cyber space. a lot of people think that e-mail is informal, too impersonal, too cold. Why did I choose to send a mass e-mail rather then a fancy little card or a cute little magnet? Simple, we're cheap!

I guess that's one of the reasons we have a wedding website too. Well, one reason is I wanted it and I made Q go along with it. But really, technology is there and everyone we know has access to it. With a little work on my end all my guests get all the info they need and I didn't have to spend a dime. If you haven't noticed we are on a budget, just looking to cut costs as much as I can without coming off as tacky.

Save the Dates....Fire in the hole!

Don't just sit there...PLAN!

375 days to go.

"Donna, I feel like I should be planning my wedding more, especially since you already have so much done with yours." This is what L said to me the other day. I laughed and explained to her that there were 2 very good reasons for this.

a) My wedding is 2 months before hers

b) I have serious control issues.

As we furthered our conversation we discussed our borderline type A personalities and the things we HAD to do compared to what we felt we had to do for wedding planning. It's funny. Have you ever felt that you "should" be doing certain things just because of public perception of what you "should" do? I think that comes with the territory of being a Bride-to-be as well. It's like once you get engaged people assume 2 things.

1) You are planning your wedding 24/7

2) All you want to talk about is wedding, wedding, wedding

Yes, this is true... for the first month or so. The happiness of entering a new stage in your like (and also the stress of how much it will cost you) is somewhat consuming. But I am still who I always have been. I still have the same interests and still want to talk about the things I used to. So why do I feel that I SHOULD be doing more wedding stuff. It's like we have been programmed to view Brides as obsessive, crazy, controlling monsters. In many cases, such as myself, this is true. But not all.

I'm not going to sit here and say planning a wedding doesn't involve a lot of planning, stress and time, after all I'm not planning a big wedding either, 70 max. Plus, if it were easy Wedding Planners wouldn't exist. I just think that with all the TLC shows out there a bride-to-be gets unnecessary pressure put on her, she should act a certain way, look a certain way BLAH BLAH BLAH. Removed is the fact that not all Brides are the same, and not all weddings follow the same template. It it did we wouldn't have Star Trak weddings. Crazy how I actually feel that I should be wedding planning all the time. I feel I should eat and breath Tulle, cake and flowers, if not it's like I'm less of a Bride... "why aren't you busy planning?" Like there is something wrong with ME when I want to take a break from the magazines and websites. Then, when I do plan and organize, I'm called a Bridzilla. Again, let's make it clear people...Organized, not Bridzilla :)

I have no answer for myself here I just have to deal, I'm not sure why I feel that I SHOULD be doing wedding stuff all the time. I tell myself that once I get all the important stuff out of the way I can relax and focus on the little things, but really who am I kidding, I know that wont happen. The closest thing is Q wont have to worry about the planning...insert my Control Freak tendencies here and we will all go on our merry planning way:)

Bride Wars?

We all know women are each others main competition. We compete for men, jobs and compare ourselves to each other on many aspects of our lives. I’m not saying it’s particularly healthy, but we do it none the less. L and I got engaged at around the same time and have been planning our weddings together. I must say it is refreshing to have a person there that understands what you are going thorough. To be honest, I thought I may have felt a bit of competition when I first realized that we would have our wedding in the same year. But that quickly faded when I realized we both want completely different things. L has a lot of family to accommodate and her wedding is in Hamilton, while mine is small and low key in Ottawa. It turned out well; we can actually help each other and bounce ideas around rather then trying to out do one another. But not all of us are so lucky. What happens when you do feel yourself competing with a friend and you secretly want your wedding to kick the ass of theirs?

Oh come on, don’t shake your finger at me. We would be lying to ourselves if we said we didn’t compare out events to that of those passed or those we know are coming up. It just depends on the degree of competition I guess; I think it’s perfectly natural. I truly believe women naturally compete with each other in every aspect in life, why should our wedding be any different. If not why would we care what we look like, how thin we are, how the decorations are and what kind of flowers we want. Really it’s to impress the guest, with the hope that they leave remembering how wonderful the wedding was in comparison to the others they have attended.

I am happy that L and I don’t have that kind of competition, LOL - L may beg to differ, but what happens when the one you are comparing yourself with is a frienamie? You know, the one you have been friends with forever, but you guys hit all your milestones together and you can’t help but to try and steal each others thunder. Or she may have been a very close friend at one time and you guys had a falling out. We all have one or maybe even two in our lives. She is that person that no matter how fabulous you may feel she can make you feel like crap. She is the one you compare your career to, your looks to, your kids to and yes, even your husband/boyfriend too. Heck, she may even be planning her wedding at the same time as you. So when it comes to what is said to be the “biggest day of your life”, well forgive me for allowing all of us to do what we need to do and not feel bad about it what so ever. Look I’m not saying to over obsess to the point of unhealthy mental behavior; all I’m saying is that it’s ok to feel this way, it’s natural. No need to feel bad, or feel like you’re a bad person. I think it’s more important to acknowledge the fact that the tiny rivalry exists, if not, we would just be lying to ourselves.

This being said, there is a very fine line to be walked by a bride. One step can define weather or not you have allowed the competition to get the best of you, it could ruin the experience. After all, you want to enjoy this process, you want to be happy on your wedding day and soak up the accolade of how wonderful everything is and how beautiful you look; hopefully you only do it once, and she gets a big nose zit on her special day. J

Honey...it's a Bride thing.

As all women who have planned their own wedding know, there is a heck of a lot of work to be done. From guest list to seating plans to hotel accommodations there are just so many things to organize. So why is it that men try to derail our planning? Q recently told me, while I was trying to figure out my guest favors, that I needed to slow down “at the rate you’re going we would be done the planning in 6 months”. Nay I say. I explained to him that we should get the big things out of the way, and then he could sit back and let me handle the finer details. Details like programs, seating arrangements, itinerary; you know the things you cannot plan for till 3-4 months before the actual wedding date.

Think about it, 12 months is really not a long time. The first month of the engagement is a write off since you are making announcements, family dinners and fermenting in engagement bliss and just getting a feel for what you both want. December holds little time for planning since the holidays tend to take up so much energy, gift shopping, family dinners yada yada yada… Really, that only leaves 10 months of planning. 10 months to plan one of the biggest, most expensive parties you will ever throw. Given, my affair will be pretty low-key and simple compared to the many I have attended over the years but as the bride you would like to leave nothing to chance. Yes, things will go wrong but you want to do everything you can to limit disasters and truly make your wedding day everything you dreamed it would be. Call me a Bridzilla if you will but I do believe this is in all of us, who wants to spend all that money to do a half ass job?

My point here is, and yes, I do have a point. Someone please tell these grooms to just embrace the craziness of the bride. Appease us and just go along with it. There is a method to our madness and allowing us to start the planning early will result in a lovely wedding. Given, we may not even have the time to enjoy or remember it, but I assure you, in theory it will be fantastic.

Embracing My Inner Control Freak

397 days to go.

Here I am working on our wedding website, while chatting with L (I am a fabby multi-tasker) when I realize how ahead of the game I really am. For the past few weeks Q and I (mostly me) have been on wedding mode 24-7. I don't know if it's my inner control freak coming out, if it's because I'm planning my wedding on my own or just excitement, but all can think about is wedding cakes, wedding favors, yada yada yada. At least I have L to talk to. She is getting married not long after us and she shares my control freak tendencies; at least someone out there understands my madness.

I know that compared to many engaged women I have miles ahead of the game. In 4 short weeks I have managed to book a venue and photographer, talked to my bridal party and picked out invitations. I know what my cake is gonna look like and am almost ready to send out my Save the Dates. So why is it that I feel I still have so much to do?

When I was younger I pictured my wedding to be a grand, fantastic event full of flowers, music and a big white dress. As I have gotten older I took a more laid back approach to everything. Get married on an island (we scrapped that idea); keep it small; keep it cheap. But as I sit here typing I can't help ponder ideas to make my wedding day just that extra bit special. I think it's in all of us, control freak or not. I think something happens to you once that ring slips onto your finger. You are brought back to when you were younger imagining what the day would be like when you walk down the aisle. At one point I figured a trip to city hall was OK for me, but now not so much. A years goes by fast. I already feel like I lost time since we pushed our date ahead to accommodate family. When the holidays roll around there wont be much time to plan anything except Christmas dinner and Jolly merriment.

I'm not crazy, I have to tell myself, you're not a Bridzilla, you're just organized. Get the big stuff out of the way first. That way, I can enjoy my engagement and focus on the details that will make me smile when I look back on my wedding day. Keep it in perspective it's not all about me, it's about me and Q.

....Come on....who am I kidding.

Birth of The Bantering Bride

These past few weeks have been pretty good. We told everyone we needed to tell, we had engagement party and I managed to set a date, book and venue and secure a photographer...and may I say all under budget. Then it hit me, these past few weeks, it's been wedding this and wedding that. In the few short weeks Q and I have been engaged I have managed to allow it to consume me. It's all I've been thinking about; I had to take a step back I went to my PC and logged into Female Madness; then I had a thought. Nobody wants to hear about wedding stuff all the time. What to do, what to do ...SNAP! welcome to The Bantering Bride. This is where I will release my thoughts about marriage and wedding into cyber space. I'll ponder, vent and complain my way down the aisle. Thanks for joining me.