Dress Stress

342 days to go

Since I had bridal couture (or my affordable version of it) on the brain I spent last Sunday at a tiny unassuming bridal shop trying on dresses on my own. The trip was a spontaneous one so I was flying solo on this one. As is sifted through walls of taffeta, satin and lace I felt like I would never find "the one" I mean really, how can I find the one when I really didn't know what I wanted? That and the fact I was going through some major body image issues.

I tried on a few dresses to the merriment of other soon-to-be brides in the store, and laughed with them about how heavy these suckers were. Then, out I came behind the curtain with a Plain Jane dress what turned it's busseled back on the traditional style of satin, lace and bedazzled dresses I had seen so much of before. It was nice but I didn't instantly say " I'll take it", however, I did think to myself later "maybe this is it." I have to admit, I was thinking about it a lot. There's a lot of pressure on women when it comes to the dress. Not sure if it was my OCD setting in or if I just really liked the dress. I recruited the opinion of a few friends....mixed reactions. It was strange, I have never need the approval of other people when it came to what I was wearing, why was this different?

So I recruited S to come and look at the dress. She gave me her honest opinion, which I much appreciated. She wasn't crazy about it. There were some details about the dress she was not impressed with. It was good to balance out the pros and cons, not to say I have written off the dress completely but it was nice to get a outside opinion. If it were left to me I may have rushed into it and bought the dress already. We left to scour another salon for a dress....no success. There was one that would give my Plain Jane dress a run for it's money, so I have by no means made a decision; and maybe I wont decide till I've been to a few more stores. But despite it's cons, I still think my Plain Jane is the front runner. I'm just not ready to commit.

Why is this so hard for me I wonder. Not sure if I just haven't found it yet or if it's because I'm expecting this wave of emotion to wash over me. I've seen Brides cry , moms tear up and others

wow over dresses...for me not so much. Was I expecting the same reaction to tell me I was making the right decision? or was I just scared to say "yes" to the dress?

In all honestly, I know myself and when I want something, nobody will change my mind, in this case, even if the dress is not the most flattering. But I keep telling myself I cannot rush into this, after all I have the time to look. This is the one time in my life I can be picky and difficult and nobody can say a thing about it. The main thing is I just don't want to loose myself in this whole dress thing. I am who I am and I want my dress to reflect that. I don't want it to turn me into a tiara wearing, bedazzled, cookie cutter bride. Then I think to myself, maybe this urge to get away from all things bride has taken away some of the fun whole experience . Maybe, just maybe my desire to reject tradition is actually limiting me.