DJ Dabacle

335 days to go

It all sounded so easy. Q and I needed a DJ and Q knew one. He seemed great. He had been DJing at local bars and clubs, and was willing to meet with us to go over details. All seemed well in the land of wedding planning. We went to a bar he was playing, listened to his mixing and all n' all liked what we heard. A few weeks passed and we finally found a good time to meet up and go over in more detail what he was offering to do for us. Sounds easy right? Our meeting went great; we told him what we were looking for and he quoted us a price and what he could do...sounds easy right? a few days passed and I messaged him. "We would love for you to be our DJ, please let us now if you are available"... No response. "Can you please quote the price in writing?" I messaged again...no response. I, being the tenacious little firecracker I am decided to call him. "Were you still interested in DJing our wedding?" Yes he said. "Great, please respond to my Facebook message and that can be our informal contract"...sounds simple right?...no response. Days passed, I call again....Voice mail. That was 7 days ago. Sufficed to say I am shopping around for a new DJ.

I don't understand. Am I being out of line for expecting at least a call back? Three questions pop into my head.

a) if you didn't want the work, why quote a price?

b) if you want the work why would you ignore your client?

c) Who does that?

So it's back to the drawing board when it comes to DJ. DJ means a lot to us, we want to dance and have a really good time. It's not like cool urban DJs run rampant in Ottawa. It's not the most kick'n city you know. So Here I am setting up meetings again. Simple right?

On the bright side, at least no contract was signed.

Dress Stress

342 days to go

Since I had bridal couture (or my affordable version of it) on the brain I spent last Sunday at a tiny unassuming bridal shop trying on dresses on my own. The trip was a spontaneous one so I was flying solo on this one. As is sifted through walls of taffeta, satin and lace I felt like I would never find "the one" I mean really, how can I find the one when I really didn't know what I wanted? That and the fact I was going through some major body image issues.

I tried on a few dresses to the merriment of other soon-to-be brides in the store, and laughed with them about how heavy these suckers were. Then, out I came behind the curtain with a Plain Jane dress what turned it's busseled back on the traditional style of satin, lace and bedazzled dresses I had seen so much of before. It was nice but I didn't instantly say " I'll take it", however, I did think to myself later "maybe this is it." I have to admit, I was thinking about it a lot. There's a lot of pressure on women when it comes to the dress. Not sure if it was my OCD setting in or if I just really liked the dress. I recruited the opinion of a few friends....mixed reactions. It was strange, I have never need the approval of other people when it came to what I was wearing, why was this different?

So I recruited S to come and look at the dress. She gave me her honest opinion, which I much appreciated. She wasn't crazy about it. There were some details about the dress she was not impressed with. It was good to balance out the pros and cons, not to say I have written off the dress completely but it was nice to get a outside opinion. If it were left to me I may have rushed into it and bought the dress already. We left to scour another salon for a dress....no success. There was one that would give my Plain Jane dress a run for it's money, so I have by no means made a decision; and maybe I wont decide till I've been to a few more stores. But despite it's cons, I still think my Plain Jane is the front runner. I'm just not ready to commit.

Why is this so hard for me I wonder. Not sure if I just haven't found it yet or if it's because I'm expecting this wave of emotion to wash over me. I've seen Brides cry , moms tear up and others

wow over dresses...for me not so much. Was I expecting the same reaction to tell me I was making the right decision? or was I just scared to say "yes" to the dress?

In all honestly, I know myself and when I want something, nobody will change my mind, in this case, even if the dress is not the most flattering. But I keep telling myself I cannot rush into this, after all I have the time to look. This is the one time in my life I can be picky and difficult and nobody can say a thing about it. The main thing is I just don't want to loose myself in this whole dress thing. I am who I am and I want my dress to reflect that. I don't want it to turn me into a tiara wearing, bedazzled, cookie cutter bride. Then I think to myself, maybe this urge to get away from all things bride has taken away some of the fun whole experience . Maybe, just maybe my desire to reject tradition is actually limiting me.

Mild Case of Dress Distress

350 days to go

Today was a big day. I, along with 3 girlfriends went to try on wedding dresses for the first time. I must admit I was a excited, but also scared at the same time. Excited that I was one step closer to finding the dress I would be married in, but scared that I would look horrible in them. (yes, I have issues)

As I shimmied in and out of dresses; each having details I liked and disliked I started to feel torn. Do I go with something more simple and add my own flare or do I go with something with details that stands on it's own with no additives from me. Needless to say I didn't walk out with a dress, nor did I intend to (not this visit anyway) This visit was so I could get a feel for what works and what didn't. Mission accomplished.

The more I think about it the more I'm not sure and torn. Anyone who knows me know I want to be different; to be non-traditional and funky as all hell. But on the other hand I want to be beautiful and wear a fabulous dress that is stunning and makes even me smile from ear to ear. Not like a princess but just fabulous. The big quesiton is how do I find the balance so that I dont look back and wonder if I should have gotten "the other dress". Then again, I have no dress now, and maybe all this is for nothing, when I do find THAT dress it will have the combination of all that I am looking for. But I can't help but wonder as I sit here typing. Will the dress wear me or will I wear the dress.

All I need is a little support

354 days to go

The day I've been looking forward to (and also dreading) is almost here. This Saturday I'm going dress shopping for the first time. I was hoping that I would be a bit more toned then I am now. But I guess not going to the gym for a week and a half and eating whatever I wanted hasn't helped my cause...come on, I've been on a mini vacation. I did however put my last day off to good use. Today I booked my Officiant, check mark on one very important thing done, and I found my support. What support you ask? Well, today was a very big day for this little piggy. I learned that for the past decade I've been wearing the wrong bra.

I took today as an opportunity to go out and get myself a strapless bra. I don't have one because a) I never wear anything strapless and b) I never wear anything strapless; but far be it for me to limit myself while wedding dress shopping; I mean, how can I hate it if I never tried it. Especially since it seems that 97% of the dresses I've seen are strapless. Mission, to find a strapless bra that wouldn't make my boobs look like torpedoes shooting out of the dress. Mission #2, find a dress that doesn't look make me look like a giant duvet was draped over me.

For the longest time I strapped the puppies in with a full C bra, thinking that that size was the largest size I could wear without making myself feel fat. I mean I'm fine with the C cup size of it all but the number...oh that dreded number; Come on many don't even go over a certian number size. 36 seems to be the highest "regular" size most stores carry anyway. I never wanted to feel anything less the "normal". It's like that fine line between regular and plus size, when I think plus size I think fat. I know it's not true and it's all about proportion but as a Asian woman in a larger body, plus size is not something I want to be. So for the past 10 years I have convinced myself that I was a full C. It took a middle aged Eastern European woman to show me the way. I was already walking a fine line by trying on a larger size. "No, No, No my Dear. I'm so glad you asked me. You need AT LEAST a *BEEP*." My eyes widened and jaw somewhat dropped. I could feel a look of confusion come over my face. Really? It was true, with much reluctance I tried it on and it fit like a glove. To think, all it took was the prospect of me getting married in a strapless dress on my wedding day to bring me this little bit of self discovery and one step closer to being comfortable with my body. Believe me, as a "larger girl" I have my share of body issues. But one thing is for sure, I will not look at size numbers for my wedding. Fit is key. If it fits well I will look good. I know this should be the case everyday but it's a start. CRAP! now I have to buy all new bras.

Save the Date!

365 days to go.

That's right, exactly 1 year to go before I walk down the aisle, and you know what, I can't wait. Today marked a major milestone in the wedding planning process. I sent out my Save the Dates. There is no turning back, the wheels have been set in motion and Q and I's wedding info has been sent out into cyber space....yes, cyber space. a lot of people think that e-mail is informal, too impersonal, too cold. Why did I choose to send a mass e-mail rather then a fancy little card or a cute little magnet? Simple, we're cheap!

I guess that's one of the reasons we have a wedding website too. Well, one reason is I wanted it and I made Q go along with it. But really, technology is there and everyone we know has access to it. With a little work on my end all my guests get all the info they need and I didn't have to spend a dime. If you haven't noticed we are on a budget, just looking to cut costs as much as I can without coming off as tacky.

Save the Dates....Fire in the hole!

Don't just sit there...PLAN!

375 days to go.

"Donna, I feel like I should be planning my wedding more, especially since you already have so much done with yours." This is what L said to me the other day. I laughed and explained to her that there were 2 very good reasons for this.

a) My wedding is 2 months before hers

b) I have serious control issues.

As we furthered our conversation we discussed our borderline type A personalities and the things we HAD to do compared to what we felt we had to do for wedding planning. It's funny. Have you ever felt that you "should" be doing certain things just because of public perception of what you "should" do? I think that comes with the territory of being a Bride-to-be as well. It's like once you get engaged people assume 2 things.

1) You are planning your wedding 24/7

2) All you want to talk about is wedding, wedding, wedding

Yes, this is true... for the first month or so. The happiness of entering a new stage in your like (and also the stress of how much it will cost you) is somewhat consuming. But I am still who I always have been. I still have the same interests and still want to talk about the things I used to. So why do I feel that I SHOULD be doing more wedding stuff. It's like we have been programmed to view Brides as obsessive, crazy, controlling monsters. In many cases, such as myself, this is true. But not all.

I'm not going to sit here and say planning a wedding doesn't involve a lot of planning, stress and time, after all I'm not planning a big wedding either, 70 max. Plus, if it were easy Wedding Planners wouldn't exist. I just think that with all the TLC shows out there a bride-to-be gets unnecessary pressure put on her, she should act a certain way, look a certain way BLAH BLAH BLAH. Removed is the fact that not all Brides are the same, and not all weddings follow the same template. It it did we wouldn't have Star Trak weddings. Crazy how I actually feel that I should be wedding planning all the time. I feel I should eat and breath Tulle, cake and flowers, if not it's like I'm less of a Bride... "why aren't you busy planning?" Like there is something wrong with ME when I want to take a break from the magazines and websites. Then, when I do plan and organize, I'm called a Bridzilla. Again, let's make it clear people...Organized, not Bridzilla :)

I have no answer for myself here I just have to deal, I'm not sure why I feel that I SHOULD be doing wedding stuff all the time. I tell myself that once I get all the important stuff out of the way I can relax and focus on the little things, but really who am I kidding, I know that wont happen. The closest thing is Q wont have to worry about the planning...insert my Control Freak tendencies here and we will all go on our merry planning way:)

Bride Wars?

We all know women are each others main competition. We compete for men, jobs and compare ourselves to each other on many aspects of our lives. I’m not saying it’s particularly healthy, but we do it none the less. L and I got engaged at around the same time and have been planning our weddings together. I must say it is refreshing to have a person there that understands what you are going thorough. To be honest, I thought I may have felt a bit of competition when I first realized that we would have our wedding in the same year. But that quickly faded when I realized we both want completely different things. L has a lot of family to accommodate and her wedding is in Hamilton, while mine is small and low key in Ottawa. It turned out well; we can actually help each other and bounce ideas around rather then trying to out do one another. But not all of us are so lucky. What happens when you do feel yourself competing with a friend and you secretly want your wedding to kick the ass of theirs?

Oh come on, don’t shake your finger at me. We would be lying to ourselves if we said we didn’t compare out events to that of those passed or those we know are coming up. It just depends on the degree of competition I guess; I think it’s perfectly natural. I truly believe women naturally compete with each other in every aspect in life, why should our wedding be any different. If not why would we care what we look like, how thin we are, how the decorations are and what kind of flowers we want. Really it’s to impress the guest, with the hope that they leave remembering how wonderful the wedding was in comparison to the others they have attended.

I am happy that L and I don’t have that kind of competition, LOL - L may beg to differ, but what happens when the one you are comparing yourself with is a frienamie? You know, the one you have been friends with forever, but you guys hit all your milestones together and you can’t help but to try and steal each others thunder. Or she may have been a very close friend at one time and you guys had a falling out. We all have one or maybe even two in our lives. She is that person that no matter how fabulous you may feel she can make you feel like crap. She is the one you compare your career to, your looks to, your kids to and yes, even your husband/boyfriend too. Heck, she may even be planning her wedding at the same time as you. So when it comes to what is said to be the “biggest day of your life”, well forgive me for allowing all of us to do what we need to do and not feel bad about it what so ever. Look I’m not saying to over obsess to the point of unhealthy mental behavior; all I’m saying is that it’s ok to feel this way, it’s natural. No need to feel bad, or feel like you’re a bad person. I think it’s more important to acknowledge the fact that the tiny rivalry exists, if not, we would just be lying to ourselves.

This being said, there is a very fine line to be walked by a bride. One step can define weather or not you have allowed the competition to get the best of you, it could ruin the experience. After all, you want to enjoy this process, you want to be happy on your wedding day and soak up the accolade of how wonderful everything is and how beautiful you look; hopefully you only do it once, and she gets a big nose zit on her special day. J