Prince Charming's Gift.

243 days to go.

On Christmas morning our Sassy Bride awoke to find a wonderful gift from her Prince Charming. She took one look at the envelope and smiled. Prince Charming had given her a gift certificate to a well known Toronto landmark for our Sassy Bride to buy a dress. Oh, but this wasn't just any old dress, this was the dress the Sassy Bride had sadly parted ways with on her previous pilgrimage to the T-dot. It was too expensive and the Sassy Bride couldn't bare to spend the Benjamins on this dress for her wedding reception...after all, it wasn't ever her wedding dress. But there it was, a gift card that paid for a good chunk of the dress. insert Sassy smile here

As the Sassy Bride hugged and thanked Prince Charming (no kisses because he was sick) she found out the trouble he had gone to to to make our Sassy Bride's Christmas morning a happy one. You see this lovely Toronto Boutique ( http://fashioncrimes.ca) didn't have online shopping, so our Prince Charming hopped onto his horse (Aka; Mazda) and made the trip to Toronto and back just to get our Sassy Bride a gift certificate so she would have something to open on Christmas morning...that's a 10 hour drive total people!

Since they both had a few days off, down through The Shwa, and Scarlam into The 416 to pick up the dress they went. Still the Sassy Bride couldn't believe the dress she loved so much would be hers; but more yet, that Price Charming went through all the trouble just to give our Sassy Bride a special dress for her wedding day. While all the stylists commented on the how sweet Prince charming was, the dress was modeled and Prince Charming approved with a smile it was bought, paid for and wrapped up. There amongst to satin and taffeta our Sassy Bride felt a warm glow inside. There is no better feeling then knowing you are going to merry the best man for you; That there is nobody out there in this world that can make you feel the way he does. And for that this Sassy Bride couldn't ask for anything more, and that was the best Christmas gift of all.

Beautiful On My Own Terms

251 days to go.

So last week I started with a personal trainer with the hopes of slimming down for my upcoming nuptials. I mean really, who wants to look like a sausage on their wedding day right? I guess I thought it would be a good idea; I mean what better reason to get into shape then your wedding day...and what better motivation. After all I have to look back at the photos when I'm old and gray, last thing I want is to look back and wish I worked out a little more and feel bad about the way I looked. To be completely honest, I know I've put on the pounds these past few years, maybe it's the fact that I am so comfortable with my life, or the fact that I have been flat out lazy...OK, Let's face it, it's partially because Little Cesar's offers Crazy Bread, and I love Crazy Bread!

I've always been really good with working out...that is when I get my junk in the trunk ass to the gym. Working out was not the issue, it was, and still is the eating part that kiboshes my efforts. I must say, this Bantering Bride does love her food. She loves her bacon, her butter, her bread, her cheese and everything else that's bad for you. So imagine my concern when my trainer gave me a meal plan to follow. Tuna, Chicken,no red meat, egg whites and portion control. Usually this wouldn't bother me, I actually like egg whites but no red meat? So I gave it a shot. Did I end up cheating? Yes, am I ashamed? No.

A few days into it I realized that the diet had more of an effect on me then I had imagined. Not only was i in taking less calories, I was loosing brain cells and most of all I was moody and irritable...more so then usual.

All I could think about is food. What I could and could not eat. I'm consumed about how often I was eating (because I have to eat every 3 hours to rev up my metabolism) and how much I was eating. It's out of control, I was (I'll admit, still am a little) consumed with what I was putting into my body, was I not strong enough for this? Was I deviating from my trainers plan? would I be judged? With everything going on in my head I was messing up at work, and snapping at my wonderful fiance over the smallest things. Irritable...This Bantering Bride was very irritable. So finally I made a decision.

After 4 days of dry tuna, no salt no oil and carrots, making numerous mistakes at work and 2 mini breakdowns at home I put my foot down. I realize my own limits. Don't get me wrong, I'm not abandoning my trainer and my weight loss goals; I'm just doing it on my own terms. No crash cleanse diet for me. I'm all about portion control, cutting out the bad stuff and reving up my metabolism. I realize that if I followed this strict can and cannot eat diet I would just gain it all back in a few months. I had to approach this the way I did when I quite smoking. I just changed the way I looked at things. I wasn't gonna beat myself up for indulging once in a while, I just had to realize that my indulgences had to be limited ...if not, it wouldn't be an indulgence anymore, it would just be unhealthy eating.

I'm still motivated to loose weight for the wedding but I'm starting to look beyond that. I'd like to keep it off. I'd like not to look like a sausage for my wedding day, and many days, weeks, moths, years after that. After years of beating myself up over weight I have to convince myself that the only person judging me is me...well, that should be the only judgement I care about anyway. Work in progress I'll get there Chicken breast, tuna and all. It will happen. I just have focus on me and my goal...To walk down the aisle not as a sausage in white, but as a beautiful blushing Bantering Bride.

Crazy Bread I will miss you.

Seeking Inspiration

269 days to go

Okay, I've been lagging on some of the wedding planning lately, and I'm starting to feel it. With the holidays just around the corner and contemplating a major life change for myself (as if marraige wasn't a big enough milestone) I've just had a lot to think about. Add to it I have been having a b!tch of a time finding a decent make up artist and a hair style I like. I had my hair trial a few weeks ago, and came out more confused then ever. I asked the stylist for a certain style. In retrospect I have no idea what I was thinking. I should never have even suggested such a style. To make a long story short I looked like I was getting ready for my highschool prom.

I really don't know why I suggested what I did. I think that after looking through so mny photos and websites you get this image in your mind of what you think a Bride should look like, even if it doesn't suite your personality at all. Trail #1- lesson learned. Now to find something I like and that suites me. You would think that it would be easy....negative my friends. You can't imagine how hard it is to find a style that works for a large round head Chinese woman with a "full" face...tricky, very tricky. So these past few weeks I've been flipping through magaiznes, Google images and countless websites. I guess only time will tell and I have to keep trying till I find something right; at $50.00 a pop I better find it soon.

On the bright side I did find a hairstylist that seems to know what she is doing...after all she did do what I asked her to do. Make up artist on the other hand, not so easy (please see Rant # 1) After countless email attempts I have given up on my original make up artist. Now I have to find another, good thing I had a few back ups. Appointments have been made and now I have to again find something I like. So much pressure! The thought that these pictures will stay with me for life freaks the living crap out of me. What if I end up looking like a Drag Queen? Even worse, what if I think I look good like that until I look back on my photos? Shake it off! Okay, back to my dilemma, I have a limited number of resource to draw inspiration from. I don't look like most Asian women; I'm kind of in between. I'm Chinese with Chinese features, but lack the paleness and thinness in the face. When I Google Asian make up I get pictures of people like Lucy Lu and other dainty women who have tiny features or on the flip side, women with an absurd amount of make up on in the most inappropriate colours. There aren't a lot of pictures out there of Large headed Chinese women with "full" faces. Really whats a big headed, round faced Asian to do?

Ranting Post #1

274 days to go.

People who don't follow up or confirm appointments. People who don't respond to your phone calls or e-mails. People who try to jack up their price because they know it's your wedding day, and you'll pay them because you need their service. These are just a few things that have been pissing me off so far during this whole wedding planning process.

Since when has it been OK to make an appointment and not confirm it and end up cancelling at the last minute? When did it become a good business practice to ignore a potential customer and a) make them wait b) not respond to e-mails or phone calls or c) charge a ridiculous price for something solely for the fact that it's for a wedding?

I'm not sure if it's common business practice or if I am just contacting the wrong vendors. But these are reputable people who run their our businesses. They come highly recommended...is it me? Am I expecting too much? Is expecting a phone call back just to much to ask?

I don't know, I really don't. Maybe it's the city I live in. Maybe the pond is so small that these "business owners" feel that you will put up with their $hit because it's slim pickings...

Really....WTF?

Saying 'Yes' to the Dress

280 days to go.

Milestone in wedding planning today. I 've said 'Yes' to my dress. To be completely honest I feel a giant weight lifted. I know that the dress I chose is the right one for me. After trying on dress after dress, not quite feeling right in any of them I found it. It took me another trip to try it on again to realize that it was the right fit for me, that and the fact that I've been looking at pictures of me in it for the past few weeks.

There is all this hype about finding the right dress...The One. There's even the TLC show devoted to it; which yes, I am addicted to. People always tell you, when you find it you know; which is true to an extent. You know because you feel that you don't have to look anymore, not that a wave of emotion will wash over you and tears will come streaming down your face. Listen, I'm not knocking the experience for others out there, but sometimes you find the one without really even knowing it. Sometimes it takes a second try or a second, third and fourth glance.

Maybe I'm just not that kind of girl; the girl who looks in the mirror and starts to cry because all her life she had been looking forward to the moment where she can see herself in her wedding dress. I'm not the girl who has been dreaming of one perfect day. I don't wanna look like a princess or a fairy or whatever they try to look like. I just wanna look like me. As you have realized my now,I am no princess. I just wanna be in a pretty dress with hot shoes. I wanna look back at my photos and not cringe, not say "what was I thinking? No cream puff here please. I know, I know, I'm taking all the fun out of being a Bride. The dressing up and the being the centre of attention. Don't get me wrong. I want all of that. For the ladies out there who did and will cry when they put on 'the one' and for all those ladies who do wanna be a princess, I say all the more power to you. I just wanna be the Bride on my own terms, in my own way and the princess way is not it. After all, I think that is the most important thing to keep in mind when figuring out the day's attire.

I will say this. I am very happy with my decision. I feel great in my dress and most of all I feel like myself. I look at myself in it and I feel content. The dress is not overpowering me and I don't overpower it; can I stand to loose a few pounds in it? well that's a given, but I and the dress have met in balance. It may not be a Wang or a Monique Lhullier, and that's okay with me. Heck, it may not even what the future hubby would expect me to choose but I think he will be pleasantly surprised. Well, he better. For the prices they charge (before alterations) he better think I'm the hottest thing around... That is if he doesn't already.

Is size is just a number?

284 days to go.

There I was laying on the couch, sick as a dog watching TV when Tyra came on. Now, I usually don't watch talk shows..especially Tyra, but this one got my attention. It was about society's perception of people based on their weight. To give you the low down she had a group of people (different shapes and sizes) and asked them to rank which body type should be at the top of the social ladder. Needless to say this cased a stir. I mean that is what makes for good television, isn't it? Especially when a former model tells us we shouldn't judge based on looks.

This made me think; Not like I had anything much else to do since I was hacking, coughing and blowing my nose. It made me think of the pressure for Brides to look a certain way one their wedding day. To be fit, lean and wear their dress like nobody's business. I will admit I have put the same pressure on myself but have fallen behind for the time being. Now, let me say if I do loose any weight I don't want it to be dramatic to the point where it's not me anymore. Last thing I want is to loose curves and be mistaken for a teenage boy. I am who I am and nothing can change that...I'd just like to be me with a smaller dress size :)

I can only speak for myself here. I feel that the pressure maybe ever more present for a woman like me. A "big girl" who has tried for years to control her weight wedding dress shopping has been tough. Don't misunderstand me, when I'm fit I love the way I look, I'll strut around in my underwear like I'm a super model. But when I'm not well...let's not go there. This turned my focus on dress shopping, since I have yet to put a deposit down on a dress I couldn't help but wonder if I was at an unfair disadvantage because of my size.

For those of you who have never been wedding dress shopping, it humbles you. Sizing completely messed up. If you are usually a size 6 you wear an 8 in wedding dress. A size 10 wears a size 12 and so on and so on. That alone can easily deflate any ego. To add to that the fact that there is only one dress in a certain style in the store...well. There are so many dresses I wanted to try on when I flipped through the wedding magazines and the online stores. However, many of the samples were never in my size. Given if it's close enough to your size you still try it on and you get clipped into it; but what if it was off...way off. Say I needed as size 12 and it came in a 8. Let me tell you, that sucker is not fitting anywhere on this body, and the last ting I need is to come out and stand on a pedestal is a dress that doesn't do up with my ass hanging out the back.

I know a salon can't house every size of one particular dress, I just wish that some of the choices they did have in a larger size were more sexy and modern rather then looking like a giant satin duvet. Now I'm not looking for a pity party or for people to feel sorry for the "big girl". I'm just saying that Bridal gown shopping is one place (like bathing suit shopping) where "bigger girls" may feel fuller then they already are, it's defiantly not for the faint of heart that's for sure. I mean a smaller woman can fit into a bigger dress and have it pinned to fit, but a bigger girl ends up feeling (and looking) like a sausage in a dress that is obviously too small for her... bratwurst anyone?

I know, I know, it is all about fit and finding balance, and when total balance is achieved the dress will look fabulous. In fact, I think I found a dress that makes me smile and if I didn't have boobs and an ass...well, it would look as good as it does.

However, still have to get back into the gym...nothing worse then back ass! But ultimatley, it's about a state of mind. I will work my dress like it's nobody's business because I know I can rock it.

Unveiled

290 days to go

I never pictured myself as a princess at my wedding. Honestly, I've always seemed to be a low key kind of girl. I will admit, I pictured the dress, the venue, the food. But never in the snapshots of my mind did I wear a veil. It always seemed too old fashioned for my taste, and too girlie to suite my Tomboy personality. It wasn't until I was trying on dresses and the pushy sales women put it in my hair (to increase sales) did I ever considered the option. "It makes you look more like a Bride" they would say...Ummm...Hello...I'm the one wearing a big white dress.

There are just so many different styles out there that I figured I'd do some research to what worked for me. Plus, I have to do my homework since some of these suckers cost upward of $300.00. If you thought a veil was a veil, well, I'm sorry to tell you that you have been misinformed. Off the top of my head I can count five. Cathedral, Bubble, blusher, fingertip and birdcage. Not to mention the various embellishments (because being a bride is all about the bedazzle :P)

Cathedral: Think Royal wedding of Diana and Charles circa 1986. That sucker goes on for miles. But you can get them shorter and with less or more layers- they just go by different names (sweep, fingertip, teired)

Bubble: Think Bride of Chuckie

Blusher: It's supposed to cover your face in case you have to compose yourself. These are the ones where the groom lifts it over your face to kiss the bride. Usually a shorter veil.

Fingertip: The common veil warn today. It cascades down to about the fingertips and can be warn over the face or not.

Birdcage: That's the one that attaches to the head and covers your face (sometimes partially) with a cage like fabric (french netting) rather then the traditional tulle.

Does a veil really make a Bride's ensemble? If I opt for no veil will I look back at my photos and regret it? Can I wear a veil without looking or feeling silly? These are all questions running through my mind as I flip through the various magazines and online photos. I've never been a Fru Fru type of girl, despite having an obsession for shoes , bags and the occasional gotti accessory; but then I realize that I do want the whole experience of being a Bride. I want to walk down that aisle feeling like a Bride. We all hope that we will only get married once; so why not pull out all the stops (within reason).

I have since decided on a veil style but I'm sorry you will all have to wait to see the end result. And for those of you who know....shhhhh

Question is, will it fit my big Bride head?