Hello, My Name Is...

121 days to go

When I was in high school my high school sweetheart’s last name was Rafiq and I remember I used to imagine how my name would sound if we ever got married. Would I keep my name or would I take his? Would I be happy with being called Mrs. Rafiq? I would write it out to see how it looked and weather I liked the sound of it…come on, we’ve all done it. I think deciding to keep or take your husbands name is one of the most important decisions facing today’s modern bride, just one of many important decisions I know. But this is your name! It’s what people will call you, and recognize you as….this is who you are.

Hmm… Did Juliet have the right idea when she said "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" I mean granted she was talking about the feud between their families, not debating weather she would prefer to be called a Capulet or a Montague if she were to marry her Romeo, but none the less it makes me think; what’s in a name?

For me my last name is my identity, it’s who I am and it shows where I come from. To change that would mean I would be changing who I am with the chance of loosing who I have been for the past 30 odd years. But at the same time, marrying Prince Charming is also something that will define who I am and to take his name would reflect that change; so what’s a Bantering Bride to do?

There are so many other factors that come into play on why I want to keep my name.

For one culture, as a Chinese Canadian I don’t what to have a last name that takes away from my cultural identity. If I were to take Prince Charming’s name I would be taking on a very Vietnamese name. I know many of you may not know the difference but Asians know, and make the distinction.

Pronunciation is also a factor. Especially for the modern woman professionally.

From time to time, my last name is mispronounced, usually people are just surprised of how short it is but if I were to take on Prince Charming’s name…well... I would be constantly correcting people.

And last but not least, the silliest reason of all. I just like the way my name sounds compared to if I took on a new one. Silly but true…and important. (don’t judge)

Then I flip back and think why I should change my name. I mean it used to be to “honor” your husband, but now days, I’ll honor him in my own way. We are way past the days of male dominated whatevers. But what about my children, do I want all of us to have the same name as a family?

I mean married women have their own reasons to take or not take the name of their husbands. Though I’m sure Price Charming would like me to take on his name, it’s not a deal breaker. To be honest, it’s not really me to do something like that. I guess that’s why they created the option of hyphenating….for brides like me who refuse to pick either way.

Sleepless Nights

129 days to go

11:30pm and this Bantering Bride was Facebook chatting a friend. “How are the wedding plans going? I can’t believe you only have 4 months to go!” I saw these words pop up on my screen and a wave of panic washed over me. Somehow, having someone else tell me this made it all the more real. It’s not like I didn’t know I only had a few months to go, but when your guest start asking about hotel information…well that’s when it really hits home.

Lying in bed I couldn’t stop thinking about all the stuff that had to be done, things I’d been laxing on. Decorations, tasting, alterations, the dress! How could everything possibly be done within 3 ½ months? That’s only 11 weeks! Then it hit me. Marriage license and ceremony. We need a license to wed and I haven’t even had any contact with my officiant. Luckily, we booked him months ago so we had someone ready to legally marry us, but there was so much to do before we could meet with him. How much time did HE need to prepare? What did we have to do? So many questions, this Bantering Bride was starting to panic. So I got out of bed at 12:30am, knowing I would pay for it the next morning at work and I turned on the computer. I couldn’t sleep until I felt like I had made some progress; this is the control freak side of me coming out.

I e-mailed my officiant, reorganized my invitations and updated my Wedding map and website. In the morning I woke up exhausted, that’s what sleeping at 2am on a Tuesday night will do to you. On the bright side I got an e-mail reply from my officiant; I like the fact that he is efficientJ, answering my questions and advising me on what my next steps should be. It was a good thing I have this freakish behavior because he told me he would be out of the country for the month of July. He does charity work in developing countries and he was going to be in the Dominican Republic so I wouldn’t have access to him for a month. Good to know! So I will have to meet with him earlier then anticipated.

My advice to all brides out there, go with your gut. If you feel like you have to do something, do it. It may actually pay off in the long run. Who cares if people call us obsessive, controlling or Bridezilla. As I’ve said before, we should embrace out inner control freak and just go with it. If I hadn’t gone with my gut and contacted my officiant sooner then later (ok, I could have waited for morning to e-mail) I may have had a lot more stress on my plate come July and August. These days I’m full on stress I don’t need anymore thank you.

YAY! for freakish, controlling, Obsessive behavior!

Waiting For The Inevitable.

131 days to go.

Bridezilla! A term now associated with picky, out spoken, controlling brides everywhere. Some brides know very early on that they are destined to turn into a Bridezilla, some fight it with everything they’ve got but end up morphing into this creature at some point and others, well, they are just so organized, easy going and relaxed that they are immune to the change. There is something about planning a wedding that makes a woman crazy. It’s the most amazing thing; this one event has the power to bring out the best and the worst in people and puts so much pressure on the happy couples, let’s be honest mainly the bride, that after a few months of planning, well, things are not so happy anymore.

I’m lucky enough to be one of those women who knew early on of what I would become, so none of my behavior came as a surprise. Most importantly, Prince Charming knew, and he had taken a step back and allowed me to single handedly plan almost everything myself (I have a problem with wanting to do everything myself), obviously with his input on the important things of course. But since our day is fast approaching, I had to wonder when my real Bridezilla behavior would begin. So far it’s been mild, there has been lots of stress but meltdowns have only revolved around customer service, parents and time…LOL… only :P

Why is there so much pressure? Is it the parents? Why do we want to make everyone happy, instead of just ourselves? And most important why do we let it get to us? So many questions, I wish I had the answers, but I think it’s due to 3 simple reasons.

1. Parents and family. They hijack our wedding plans, or try to with the hopes of giving us the best day we could possibly imagine. Unfortunately, it’s the day of our dreams according to them. If you are anything like me this poses a problem since my parents and I are very different. We have different tastes and different ideas of what my wedding should be like. My answer to this? Pay for everything yourself, that way you have total control over the wedding and don’t tell your parents anything. I made that mistake and had an incident (see entry Black and White). If it means having a smaller wedding, do it. That way you can invite your friends instead of having 3 tables of your mom and dad’s acquaintances congratulating you while you try to figure out who they are. Let’s just hope they were generous with the card ;)

2. Media. “Say yes to the dress”, “Rich Bride Poor Bride”, and a number of other reality based TV shows makes us feel that we have to plan it bigger, badder and better. Before TLC’s “Say yes to the Dress” I would have never thought of paying 10K for a dress, but people do it! And on the show that’s considered mid range. The most expensive dress I’ve seen purchased was 25K...Hmm….down payment on a house or a dress I’ll only wear once? Tough call.

3. Ourselves. We are our worst enemy. We let all these outside factors effect what should be one of the happiest days of our life. We put these expectations on ourselves and never question if they are realistic. Case in point the dress; we (myself included) stress over finding THE dress, expecting this wave of emotion to wash over us telling us that it’s the right one. We never stop to think, maybe I wont have that “the one” moment. Or, how about the whole overall picture of the wedding? We see these big budget weddings on TV or go to a friends wedding and feel the pressure to measure up, and sometimes it’s just not financially possible.

Ice sculptures, imported flowers, chocolate fountains, designer dresses, and exotic locations; these are all things that are great to have and granted add overall look and feel of your wedding, but it makes me wonder is the stress worth is? As a Bridezilla myself the answer for me is Yes, but that’s just me.

Obviously, there are so many other factors that cause Bridezilla behavior, too many to mention here. But my point here is this. If you are going to became a Bridezilla know that it’s not just you, external factors have lead your down this path. Be controlling, picky and out spoken, be yourself, it’s your day. Just keep it in check and remember that it’s just one day, and if you piss people off enough, the day of your dreams may end up being a nightmare.

**Please note that this Bantering Bride will not have Ice sculptures, imported flowers, chocolate fountains, a designer dress, and exotic location because she is poor and refuses to bankrupt herself for a dream wedding**

Smile For The Camera!

137 days to go.

YAY! Engagement photos are this weekend; Yes, I am aware we are a little late, but we wanted to wait for sunnier skies (though the forecast calls for clouds) Anyway, super stoked to play super model for a day. As I debated on what to wear, I started thinking; why do we really need to have engagement photos anyway? Is it just one of those things we think we should have done since everyone else does it? Or is it one of the many cash grabs created by vendors to get all they can out of love drunk couples too preoccupied with wedding planning details to notice they are being sold on a service they really didn’t need?

So I decided to do some hardcore investigating…I Googled it. Why should I have engagement photos taken? According to weddingchannel.com it’s the best way to get comfortable with your photographer before the wedding. It breaks the ice and leads to more natural photos on the big day. Ok I can accept that for a valid reason for having them done. I mean I want to be comfortable enough on my wedding day that my pictures don’t turn out horrible. I mean it’s a one shot deal right? You can’t have a do over of your big day, well you can, but it’s not the same. The wonderful people at weddingchannel.com also go on to include the fact that if you intend to print out your pictures you may have to pay your photographer compensation if you want to print out the pics yourself since the photographer has the rights to the picture….throat clears…Cash grab. (Don’t even get me started on how it bugs me that you have to pay your photographer an absorbent amount of money for the rights to print pictures of yourself)

Theknot.com also gave the same reason. They also added that it’s a great way to announce your engagement, save the dates, a newspaper announcement…etc, which is why it is customary to take them soon after the bended knee deed is done. Well, in our case the save the dates were in the form of an e-mail and we are not the type to put out an announcement in the newspaper, so those points are wasted on couples such as ourselves. Theknot.com also gave a suggestion for brides to tryout there wedding day make up and hair before the big day. This makes me laugh a little, especially when talking about trying out your wedding hairstyle. What you wear for your engagement photos are often more casual then on your wedding day, traditionally anyway. So how will the same hairstyle be fitting? When flipping through the magazines of “real weddings” I often see brides with their hair in an up-do, or something more formal, I think I may look a little silly if my hair was all done up and I was walking though a park or downtown with Prince Charming…. again, this point is wasted on brides such as myself. Plus, Prince Charming has no idea what I have in store for my wedding day. I’m one of those brides who wants to surprise groom on the day of.

Given, these two online wedding sites provide valid points and they make sense for the most part, some just don’t apply to Prince Charming and I. So if our photographer didn’t include this in his package I’m not sure if I would have them done, depends if it fit with our budget. Obviously, I say that now, but who are we kidding….me giving up a chance to be a supermodel? Never.

Shower Me With Love.

143 days to go

I've been really stressed out lately. It's not all wedding related, though I admit I have had moments where I didn't know where to start to get back on track with the whole wedding planning bit. Most of the stress has been body and work related and to be honest with you it was really bumming me out. Then I got an e-vite in my inbox...Bridal shower! My bridal shower! Okay, a bit of background first. My Maid of Honor, G, is half way around the world in Hong Kong so she is unable to really do all the "Maid of Honor duties" but L (bless her heart) decided to step in and throw me a little shin dig which would also act as my "stagette";I'll be catering her shower later on this summer to return the favor:) At first I will admit I wasn't so excited about it. The visions of toilet paper brides and penis straws jumped into my mind. Which is fine for some, but in my mind I was a little old to be doing all that.

Even registering was weird for me.I mean Prince Charming and I have lived together for 6 years. What did I need to register for. Okay, think of it as an upgrade on the cheap stuff you already have, fine.I guess I couldn't really justify buying some of this stuff for myself on a regular day, cast iron cassarole...yes! So after a while of "shopping" it progressive became more fun, running around Bed Bath and Beyond with the scan gun...beep!

Maybe it was just me and my too cool for school attitude but I really wasn't so pumped about all the fuss. Till that little e-vite popped up and now I'm stoked! I think it could have been the calumniation of all that work stress and feeling unfit finally getting to me. The thought of having my wonderful friends around me is something I've been missing since moving to Ottawa and the thought of knowing in a few short weeks I will have a day to see all my girls in Toronto (home town) lightens the stress just bit and makes me smile. Don't get me wrong I have wonderful friends here in Ottawa as well, but there is something different about going back home. My wish is to some day build friendships as strong as the ones I've maintained with the ladies I've grown up with. That's when I'll all Ottawa home in every sense of the word.

Weighing in

148 days to go

So I've been in sort of a funky frenzy lately, feeling tired and off-kilter; Not feeling like my usual organized sassy self. Maybe it's because I've been away, maybe the weather? It's gotten nicer out and it seems to be an in-my-face reminder that time is ticking and in a bat of a faulse eyelash my wedding will be here. Neglected has been my fitness regament and my diet. Laying on the beach and climbing up a Mayan Ruin does not burn the same number of calories as a spin class, especially when you are eating tacos and drinking sugary slushy drinks all day (no alcohol for this Sassy Bride).

I know what you may be thinking....What about the trainer? The Trainer worked! I lost 10 lbs and a total of 15 inches (before our getaway). As perviously ranted The Trainer had me on this crazy diet that cut out my two very food friends sugar and carbs. Carbs and I have a loving relationships. I love carbs...and carbs love me; In fact carbs loves me so much that it goes straght to my ass and makes a new home. I know that the vacation is over and in a few short months this Sassy Bride will be a Sassy Wife. So, I'm back to being conscious of what I'm eating and getting my bread loving butt back onto a spin bike.

After all, the goal is still there. To feel confident and fit (not nessessary thin) on the big day and hopefully after. It's not about how small my dress size is; it's about how I feel in my own skin. Right now I feel slow, lazy and not so fresh; not how I want to feel on the day I've been blogging about for the past 9+ months. I know that once I get back into the groove I'll be strutting around the house in my underwear and heels...I mean even if I don't lose another inch-10 lbs...better then nothing right?