The To Do List

150 days to go

Alright now, I'm back from vacation and wedding planning s now officially in overdrive; for now. This past weekend we hit our 5 month to go mark (that's 20 weeks people!) and I have so much to do. Being the control-freak I am I decided to make a list of the things I needed to do today. I pulled out the blinged out Crackberry to make a list, this way it would always be accessible since I hardly ever part with my phone which I've affectionately nicknamed "Bedazzle".(Don't judge) Could this be right? Impossible! How can I still have much to do? I looked down at Bedazzle I swear my heart stopped for a second.

I thought I was a head of the game but now when I put it down on paper I realize that I have much more to do then I originally thought. What sucks is that some things I can't do till closer to the wedding date. Like talk to my officiant, get the marriage licence, seating chart (since I have to send out invites AND get RSVP s back) Am I just being overly dramatic (yes, most likely) or is this normal (yes, most likely) I have to prioritize. What can be done first? Invites? table numbers?

So here is the plan, for now. I have over 20 things to do and less then 20 weeks to do it; I don't want to have to do anything the week before the wedding (which you know wont happen) My plan is to chug along and complete at least 2 tasks per week. Maybe I 'll be really anal retentive and complete 3 per week :) as I go along I will mark my progress with Bedazzle and it will reward me with a list of checked off tasks.

It's Black and White

162 days to go.

I am so happy to see Vera Wang is bring back black. I love the modern contrast and I think it looks so cool and contemporary. I bring up Wang and her Fall 2010 collection for a reason. This top designer has reassured me that Prince Charming and I have made good choices for our wedding that suit us and represent the people we are, or like to think we are. Why do I bring this up you ask? Well...

...So I had a mild melt down a few weeks ago; and still I feel aggravated just thinking about it to be honest with you. Now I know my family has their own opinions of what is wedding appropriate and what is "nice", but really, at the end of the day Prince Charming and I are the ones getting married (and flipping the bill I might add) and we are in no means an old fashioned Asian couple, so what's the problem.

I understand that if my parents had their way I would have a "Chinese Gong Show" of a wedding. The Cheng Sham (the dresses you see the hostesses wear at the Chinese restaurant) the tea ceremony, the red and gold decor with a giant double happiness symbol and of course the 8+ course wedding reception with a bunch of people I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I've been to many Asian weddings that were beautiful and well done, but I had told them early on...there will be none of that here. Just a small wedding in Ottawa. Friends and close family, if they had a special request I would appease them but it was a speak now or forever hold your peace sort of thing. And so they did, hold their peace....well up until 6 months to go; after all the decor, flowers and invites had been bought and paid for.

The dispute? something so silly; our choice of colours. I had purchased black table runners to go with our Black, White and blue colour scheme. All of the sudden my parents decided they had to chime in. "It's like a funeral" they said "the colours are unlucky, can't you have burgundy runners instead?". First of all it's a wedding,, our wedding, and if my guests think if a funeral well, they are at the wrong party. Second, luck does not come in a form of a colour and luck is not a marriage make. Third, burgundy has nothing to do with my wedding. So on and on did this go on... till I couldn't take it anymore and put my foot down. Well, sort of. Black table runners are out; Black, white and blue colour scheme is in. Nothing further will be done to appease the old school Asians and their superstitions and no further details of the wedding decor or style will be divulged to family to limit any more headaches for Prince Charming and myself.

At the end of the day we want our wedding our way. In 15 years my guest will not look back and say "I can't believe they used black in their colours. Hopefully they will look back and say that was one of the best times I had at a wedding". Did I fail to mention Vera Wang is Asian ...Mom?...Dad?

My First Lesson in Marriage

178 days to go.

People say things change after you get married. I never really understand what they mean. I’ve been living with Prince Charming for almost 6 years not and this will be the 7^th year we have been together. After 6 years of dirty dishes, forgetting to take out the trash and countless family functions I don’t see how “things” change. When I ask what things change; often times I am met with 1of 2 answers 1) expectations and 2) just things (can we be more specific people?) I can’t speak for others, I can only speck for myself, but I view marriage as a culmination of a few simple elements. Love, Respect, Trust, Compromise and Honestly. I expect all of them and hope that in day to day, they show through.

Now I may be naive because I’m actually only entering married life now, even though Prince Charming and I have in every sense of the word have been “married” for the past 6 years. I understand that we cannot always be honest; like when I spend too much on a pair of shoes. But the big stuff, things that make you happy, upset. And most importantly, the things you want out of life; children, home, work, what you need from your spouse…etc. This Bantering Bride learned her first lesson in compromise this week. For all those who know me and my tenacious personality, you are fully aware of how difficult I can be when I want something my way. Price Charming knows this very well. So when he approached me with the idea of taking a trip before the wedding I was pretty against it. I have a wedding to plan! I can’t take a week off and spend X amount of dollars to go lay on a beach somewhere. We can go after the wedding …like a “pre” honeymoon, since we want to go to Asia for the honeymoon but that will take a few months of saving. “No! No way! Ok, maybe if you can find one under this price.” (I knew he would never find a deal like that).

A few hours later I saw Prince Charming continue to look online for deals so I asked him. “Do you really need this?” I know that he had been really stressed lately with work and he needed to unplug before moving onto this new job. With a straight face he replied “I really think I do.” And I knew he meant it. What can I say to that? Prince Charming doesn’t ask a lot from me, but he takes a whole lot being with me, I know this, I’m not all smiles and sunshine you know. So I pulled some strings at work to get some time off on short notice and it was done. Yes, this Bantering Bride compromised and agreed to go on a “pre” marriage honeymoon with Prince Charming and take a week off from planning her wedding.

What is the point of all this? My point is this. In my mind, the elements of a happy marriage come in small everyday things you do. When you can stand up and say “I need to do this” in a true honest light and to be able to set aside your own initial feelings to make your partner happy, if you know it’s something important to them. I think a happy marriage requires work 24-7, sometimes even without you knowing you are doing the work. It’s daily routine of support and respect.

Here are some little things we make sure we do for each other, let’s hope it doesn’t change after marriage.

1. we always give a kiss goodbye when we leave the house and a kiss hello
2. we let each other sleep in when we have no plans on the weekends
3. we hold the door for each other
4. we try to make each other laugh at least once a day
5. we take off each others glasses if either one falls asleep on the couch
6. we hold hands when we walk together

At the end of the day this is the person you choose to spend your life with and they should deserve your best, just like you deserve theirs.

Now cross you fingers for a nice even tan- nothing worse then tan lines on your wedding day J