Save the Date!

365 days to go.

That's right, exactly 1 year to go before I walk down the aisle, and you know what, I can't wait. Today marked a major milestone in the wedding planning process. I sent out my Save the Dates. There is no turning back, the wheels have been set in motion and Q and I's wedding info has been sent out into cyber space....yes, cyber space. a lot of people think that e-mail is informal, too impersonal, too cold. Why did I choose to send a mass e-mail rather then a fancy little card or a cute little magnet? Simple, we're cheap!

I guess that's one of the reasons we have a wedding website too. Well, one reason is I wanted it and I made Q go along with it. But really, technology is there and everyone we know has access to it. With a little work on my end all my guests get all the info they need and I didn't have to spend a dime. If you haven't noticed we are on a budget, just looking to cut costs as much as I can without coming off as tacky.

Save the Dates....Fire in the hole!

Don't just sit there...PLAN!

375 days to go.

"Donna, I feel like I should be planning my wedding more, especially since you already have so much done with yours." This is what L said to me the other day. I laughed and explained to her that there were 2 very good reasons for this.

a) My wedding is 2 months before hers

b) I have serious control issues.

As we furthered our conversation we discussed our borderline type A personalities and the things we HAD to do compared to what we felt we had to do for wedding planning. It's funny. Have you ever felt that you "should" be doing certain things just because of public perception of what you "should" do? I think that comes with the territory of being a Bride-to-be as well. It's like once you get engaged people assume 2 things.

1) You are planning your wedding 24/7

2) All you want to talk about is wedding, wedding, wedding

Yes, this is true... for the first month or so. The happiness of entering a new stage in your like (and also the stress of how much it will cost you) is somewhat consuming. But I am still who I always have been. I still have the same interests and still want to talk about the things I used to. So why do I feel that I SHOULD be doing more wedding stuff. It's like we have been programmed to view Brides as obsessive, crazy, controlling monsters. In many cases, such as myself, this is true. But not all.

I'm not going to sit here and say planning a wedding doesn't involve a lot of planning, stress and time, after all I'm not planning a big wedding either, 70 max. Plus, if it were easy Wedding Planners wouldn't exist. I just think that with all the TLC shows out there a bride-to-be gets unnecessary pressure put on her, she should act a certain way, look a certain way BLAH BLAH BLAH. Removed is the fact that not all Brides are the same, and not all weddings follow the same template. It it did we wouldn't have Star Trak weddings. Crazy how I actually feel that I should be wedding planning all the time. I feel I should eat and breath Tulle, cake and flowers, if not it's like I'm less of a Bride... "why aren't you busy planning?" Like there is something wrong with ME when I want to take a break from the magazines and websites. Then, when I do plan and organize, I'm called a Bridzilla. Again, let's make it clear people...Organized, not Bridzilla :)

I have no answer for myself here I just have to deal, I'm not sure why I feel that I SHOULD be doing wedding stuff all the time. I tell myself that once I get all the important stuff out of the way I can relax and focus on the little things, but really who am I kidding, I know that wont happen. The closest thing is Q wont have to worry about the planning...insert my Control Freak tendencies here and we will all go on our merry planning way:)

Bride Wars?

We all know women are each others main competition. We compete for men, jobs and compare ourselves to each other on many aspects of our lives. I’m not saying it’s particularly healthy, but we do it none the less. L and I got engaged at around the same time and have been planning our weddings together. I must say it is refreshing to have a person there that understands what you are going thorough. To be honest, I thought I may have felt a bit of competition when I first realized that we would have our wedding in the same year. But that quickly faded when I realized we both want completely different things. L has a lot of family to accommodate and her wedding is in Hamilton, while mine is small and low key in Ottawa. It turned out well; we can actually help each other and bounce ideas around rather then trying to out do one another. But not all of us are so lucky. What happens when you do feel yourself competing with a friend and you secretly want your wedding to kick the ass of theirs?

Oh come on, don’t shake your finger at me. We would be lying to ourselves if we said we didn’t compare out events to that of those passed or those we know are coming up. It just depends on the degree of competition I guess; I think it’s perfectly natural. I truly believe women naturally compete with each other in every aspect in life, why should our wedding be any different. If not why would we care what we look like, how thin we are, how the decorations are and what kind of flowers we want. Really it’s to impress the guest, with the hope that they leave remembering how wonderful the wedding was in comparison to the others they have attended.

I am happy that L and I don’t have that kind of competition, LOL - L may beg to differ, but what happens when the one you are comparing yourself with is a frienamie? You know, the one you have been friends with forever, but you guys hit all your milestones together and you can’t help but to try and steal each others thunder. Or she may have been a very close friend at one time and you guys had a falling out. We all have one or maybe even two in our lives. She is that person that no matter how fabulous you may feel she can make you feel like crap. She is the one you compare your career to, your looks to, your kids to and yes, even your husband/boyfriend too. Heck, she may even be planning her wedding at the same time as you. So when it comes to what is said to be the “biggest day of your life”, well forgive me for allowing all of us to do what we need to do and not feel bad about it what so ever. Look I’m not saying to over obsess to the point of unhealthy mental behavior; all I’m saying is that it’s ok to feel this way, it’s natural. No need to feel bad, or feel like you’re a bad person. I think it’s more important to acknowledge the fact that the tiny rivalry exists, if not, we would just be lying to ourselves.

This being said, there is a very fine line to be walked by a bride. One step can define weather or not you have allowed the competition to get the best of you, it could ruin the experience. After all, you want to enjoy this process, you want to be happy on your wedding day and soak up the accolade of how wonderful everything is and how beautiful you look; hopefully you only do it once, and she gets a big nose zit on her special day. J

Honey...it's a Bride thing.

As all women who have planned their own wedding know, there is a heck of a lot of work to be done. From guest list to seating plans to hotel accommodations there are just so many things to organize. So why is it that men try to derail our planning? Q recently told me, while I was trying to figure out my guest favors, that I needed to slow down “at the rate you’re going we would be done the planning in 6 months”. Nay I say. I explained to him that we should get the big things out of the way, and then he could sit back and let me handle the finer details. Details like programs, seating arrangements, itinerary; you know the things you cannot plan for till 3-4 months before the actual wedding date.

Think about it, 12 months is really not a long time. The first month of the engagement is a write off since you are making announcements, family dinners and fermenting in engagement bliss and just getting a feel for what you both want. December holds little time for planning since the holidays tend to take up so much energy, gift shopping, family dinners yada yada yada… Really, that only leaves 10 months of planning. 10 months to plan one of the biggest, most expensive parties you will ever throw. Given, my affair will be pretty low-key and simple compared to the many I have attended over the years but as the bride you would like to leave nothing to chance. Yes, things will go wrong but you want to do everything you can to limit disasters and truly make your wedding day everything you dreamed it would be. Call me a Bridzilla if you will but I do believe this is in all of us, who wants to spend all that money to do a half ass job?

My point here is, and yes, I do have a point. Someone please tell these grooms to just embrace the craziness of the bride. Appease us and just go along with it. There is a method to our madness and allowing us to start the planning early will result in a lovely wedding. Given, we may not even have the time to enjoy or remember it, but I assure you, in theory it will be fantastic.